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04-30-2003, 04:42 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Spanking Witch King
Posts: 1,988
| |  Side Effects of Alcohol
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle.
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
2. Symptom: Warm and humid feet.
Cause: You pissed your pants.
Cure: Dry yourself at nearest restroom.
3. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
4. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
5. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
6. Symptom: You see multiple reflections of your face.
Cause: You're trying to puke in the toilet.
Cure: Stick your finger in your mouth.
7. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself.
8. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
9. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
10. Symptom: A huge light is blinding you.
Cause: You woke up in someone's lawn.
Cure: Coffee and a long nap.
__________________
God there’s a lot of stupid bastards walking around. Carry a little pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with 30 or 40 names by the end of the day. Look at it this way: think of how stupid the average person is... and then realize that half of them, are stupider than that! (George Carlin) |
04-30-2003, 04:56 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Hell if I know
Posts: 15,232
| | I refuse to comment on how accurate this thread is 
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Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell! |
04-30-2003, 04:58 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,650
| | Damn. This is surreal.  |
04-30-2003, 05:03 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Nowheresville
Posts: 2,795
| | | I dont like reading that.
__________________
Jackie Treehorn: People forget the brain is the biggest sex organ.
The Dude: On you maybe.
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04-30-2003, 05:09 PM
|  | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,399
| | | This is obvious, so what's your point?
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-30-2003, 05:12 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Stavanger, Norway
Posts: 400
| | Ok lets see.
Checks out nr. 1, 3, 4, 6, 9 and 10 
What does that make me. other than any normal male.
__________________
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain." -Friedrich Schiller
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
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04-30-2003, 05:14 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 18,002
| | Reading that reminded me why I have only ever been thoroughly intoxicated just once. 
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. |
04-30-2003, 05:20 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Nowheresville
Posts: 2,795
| | | for the love of fable...
Dragon Wench.
Beer is the solution to all of lifes problems!
and cause of all lifes problems
__________________
Jackie Treehorn: People forget the brain is the biggest sex organ.
The Dude: On you maybe.
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04-30-2003, 05:43 PM
| | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,399
| | Quote: Originally posted by oki101
What does that make me. other than any normal male. | Sexist. Women are just as entitled to get thoroughly drugged out of their minds on alcohol as men.
__________________
To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-30-2003, 05:52 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Stavanger, Norway
Posts: 400
| | Ok I give in.
I would retract my previous statement if I bothered
__________________
"Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain." -Friedrich Schiller
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
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04-30-2003, 05:59 PM
| | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 18,002
| | @Thug, lol!
I didn't say I refrain from drinking, just that I have only ever been completely drunk on one occasion !
Admittedly, part of that is related to not enjoying the effects of "too much," however, this is also owing to a strong constitution.... I have routinely drank men under the table and walked away in a straight line with my wits largely intact...
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain.
Last edited by dragon wench; 04-30-2003 at 06:10 PM.
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04-30-2003, 06:10 PM
|  | Engorged Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Abingdon, UK
Posts: 5,152
| | Erk...that's all I have to say on the matter
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Proud SLURRite Test Subject and Nick Counter of the Rolling Thunder™ - Visitors WELCOME!!! (Feel free to join us for a drink, play some pool or even relax in a hottub - want to learn more? ) Sleep is for n00bs, and people with too much blood in their caffeine. Have YOU voted for Kayless' Dungeon Crawl Inc. yet today??? Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency |
04-30-2003, 06:56 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Hell if I know
Posts: 15,232
| | How horrid, my deepest sympathy goes out to you 
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Lord of Lurkers
Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell! |
04-30-2003, 07:15 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: Australia
Posts: 4,508
| | I think this is only the proper place to comment on BS new avatar. Nice 
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! |
04-30-2003, 07:19 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Hell if I know
Posts: 15,232
| | I lost the old one  I mentioned it to Ty and the next thing I knew, he posted this one in a tavern. He musta been bored
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Lord of Lurkers
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