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02-22-2005, 07:26 PM
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Okay, this guy keeps calling my gf, and it's really starting to bug her. Do i call the guy myself and deal with it, or do I tell my gf how to block his # and hope all goes well? If i do call the guy, should I try and scare him(which I can back up), or do I just tell him nicely he is bugging her and ask him to stop?
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02-22-2005, 07:34 PM
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Kind of tough here to reply, since we don't know you, your GF or the other guy.... I guess the thing to ask yourself is, how would your GF feel at your intervening? Some women can get quite offended when their partners step in to chase other men away, others appreciate it.
The other thing to remember, as far as call blocking goes, is that if it seriously becomes a problem for her, she will likely investigate it herself..
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02-22-2005, 08:06 PM
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I agree with DW that this is very difficult to answer without further background information. What is your gf:s current relationship to this guy, has she been clear in rejecting him, how do they even know each other? Is he an ex, a friend, a stranger or what? Is you gf scared of him, or just annoyed? Does he behave in a hostile and threatning way?
You should by no means call him up and start to threat him without your gf:s explicit wish.
First thing is always to be absolutely clear when you reject people. No "I don't know", "maybe later", "not right now" or "let's be friends". If she doesn't want to have contact with this guy, she must tell him straightforward that "Stop calling me, I don't want to have any more contact with you whatsoever."
If this is done and he continues, she must tell him again, preferably in a very rude way, that she wants no contact. If he still keeps ringing her, she should block him out herself, or, if he is hostile or threatning, contact the police.
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02-22-2005, 08:07 PM
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It also depends on the intensity of the annoyance. Is he stalking her? Is he a former boyfriend? Does he know about you? How long has this been going on? What has she tried to ward him off?
But ultimately, as DW says, it's a matter of what your girlfriend wants from you in the way of involvement.
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02-22-2005, 08:23 PM
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The guy isn't an ex boyfriend. They started out as just friends, but now he has this huge crush on her. He's not threatening, I believe. yet, she's told him a lot to quit calling her, but he won't quit. She has made it a point to tell him about me. it's not up to the point of stalking, yet. it was a minor annoyance at first, then went to a slight pain in the butt, now it is getting to be a rather serious problem. She's just really annoyed with him. She asked me to call him, just tonight, in fact, but i thought it would be prudent to see how to go about a phone call before i called and lost my head. So, what do i say to him?
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02-22-2005, 08:28 PM
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Do you know anything about his background? What kind of person he is? A threat could provoke anything from compliance to retaliation to ridicule. He may even feel that his manhood has been challenged. 
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02-22-2005, 08:31 PM
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What did she say to him herself? Since her rejection did not help, obviously you must say something else or something more clear to him to make him understand.
My advice would be to be as clear as possible but not threatning. If I were to make this phonecall, I would start by asking they guy why on earth he doesn't believe my gf when she asks him not to call. I would ask him "do you think she's lying, that she actually wants you to call, or do you simply not care that she doesn't like you and you are in fact bothering her? ".
Most people back off when they realise no is no, and not a future maybe. It would however be better if she did this herself.
If he insists that he in going to continue to call her even against her will and although he understands he is bothering her, then he is a nutcase and then you should NOT threat him since he may become dangerous. Then your gf should change phone number and totally avoid this person.
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02-22-2005, 08:35 PM
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I don't know a whole lot about him. From what my gf told me, he's a wimp that could probably intimidated pretty easily. Whether or not he will think the call is serious enough to heed is another matter entirely...I was thinking of just saying that i'm a friend of hers and not actually telling him who it really is. Yea or Nay?
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02-22-2005, 08:38 PM
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If you say you are a friend of hers, then what's the point with you calling instead of her? If you are her bf, then you are the concrete evidence that his pursuit of her is futile, that she is taken already.
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02-22-2005, 08:47 PM
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This is very true. I'll call him tomorrow as her bf, not just a friend. I guess I'll TRY and be nice....
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02-22-2005, 09:01 PM
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Don't intimidate him. Not a good idea, he may go crazy on you. Speak to him with respect and authority. Say you are her boyfriend. She has asked you to stop calling her. You haven't. So she has asked you to step in. You would like for him to stop bother your girlfriend. Add a bit about how you two have been dating for something or whatnot if you feel like it.
Do not threaten him. He could go loco and there is always the issue of the law. If he does start to stalk i do believe a restraining order is a wise idea.
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02-22-2005, 09:01 PM
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Be firm, but nice. Consider the points you want to get accross, in advance:
You're her boyfriend.
She doesn't like his calling her, and would rather he stop.
There are many ways to get these across, but the first is pretty much a statement in itself, and the second can be stated in a way that includes no menace whatsoever, but makes clear *her* perspective. Ask him why he's doing it, too. Hear what he has to say. That could provide you with clues about his motivation, and how to reach him.
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02-22-2005, 11:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Godslayer This is very true. I'll call him tomorrow as her bf, not just a friend. I guess I'll TRY and be nice.... | In my experience, that will only make things worse. He's probably very jealous of you already, and if you take active steps to get him out of the picture, he will view you as an even greater threat. In my opinion, it's up to your girlfriend to control other people's access to her; it's not up to you. Think of the difference between her telling that guy "I want you to leave me alone" and her telling him "My boyfriend wants you to leave me alone." Your girlfriend needs to make her own wishes clear, and she needs to do it herself instead of letting someone else (especially her boyfriend) do the talking for her. Once your girlfriend puts her foot down, you can back her up, but I think it's messed up if you appear to call the shots and she merely looks like she's just doing what you tell her to do.
Last edited by VonDondu; 02-22-2005 at 11:56 PM.
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02-23-2005, 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted by C Elegans You should by no means call him up and start to threat him without your gf:s explicit wish. | Yes, ask her before you act, but I think you should make clear that you're there and won't allow him to pester her any further.
VonDondu is also right: your gf should be firm and clear, too.
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02-23-2005, 02:27 AM
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| | | What about the next time he calls and you're there with your S.O., she tells him that she has someone right now to talk to him and then she hands you the phone? And that when you do get to talk to him right there and then, you could politely tell him not to disturb your GF.
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