'Oh Canada' !

[dragon wench]

These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

1.Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2.Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3.Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water .

4.Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5.Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6.Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

7.Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8.Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11.Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12.Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

13.Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

14.Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

15.Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

16.Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
(explanatory note... Surrey --a suburb of Vancouver-- has a certain... reputation )

[Chanak]

LMFAO! That's rich.

[Maharlika]

Very educational and enlightening I see. Surrey, here I come!

[CM]

I thought you lived in the ASEAN Surrey?

[Maharlika]

Quote:

Originally posted by CM I thought you lived in the ASEAN Surrey?

*plays Depeche Mode song, "I Just Can't Get Enough".*

You coming over too or what?

[Scayde]

OMG....*Laughing through the tears*

*Giggle*, *Snort*, *snicker*

[dragon wench]

*grins*

I was having fun trying to visualise a night of hippo racing and the Vienna Boy's Choir at the same location. Hmmm... Maybe they could make it part of the Calgary Stampede (Basically a Cowboy fest/carnival). I can see it now... hippo riding rather than bronco bucking

@Mah... erm... If you are planning a trip to Surrey I recommend you arm yourself with a prophylactic large enough to shield and protect your entire body...

[Chanak]

@DW: Hey...you know, that might have been the part of Vancouver I visited back in 1990.

[Maharlika]

Quote:

Originally posted by dragon wench *grins* @Mah... erm... If you are planning a trip to Surrey I recommend you arm yourself with a prophylactic large enough to shield and protect your entire body...

...Surrey sounds so...

...surreal.

I guess there are a lot of plastic balloons there like some salubrious children's party.

Vienna Boys' Choir?

I thought it was Vienna Sausage Boys' Choir.

[dragon wench]

Quote:

Originally posted by Chanak @DW: Hey...you know, that might have been the part of Vancouver I visited back in 1990.

lmao! You might want to be careful how loudly you say that

Quite seriously, while some parts of Surry are quite nice, most of it is a total dive. Usually if any kind of crime occurs it happens in Surrey... the girls have a definite... reputation, and the place is basically trailer park central

[Maharlika]

I think I'd rather stay around your neighborhood instead, Goldilocks.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Of course, I could always do a ninja-KidD thing and observe Surrey from a safe distance.

[dragon wench]

Quote:

Originally posted by Maharlika ...Surrey sounds so... ...surreal. I guess there are a lot of plastic balloons there like some salubrious children's party. Vienna Boys' Choir? I thought it was Vienna Sausage Boys' Choir.

ROFL

I suspect there are all kinds of toys, devices and such abounding in Surrey.. though I don't know if they'd be appropriate for a children's party exactly

Hmmm..... that conjures up images I'm not sure I want to contemplate....

[Chanak]

Quote:

Originally posted by dragon wench lmao! You might want to be careful how loudly you say that Quite seriously, while some parts of Surry are quite nice, most of it is a total dive. Usually if any kind of crime occurs it happens in Surrey... the girls have a definite... reputation, and the place is basically trailer park central

LMAO! In all fairness, DW, every major American city has their own Surrey.

In Atlanta, Georgia - and the sprawling metro area - it's Peachtree Street (downtown where the "working girls" are)....or Douglasville and Kennesaw, home of the double-wide subdivisions, where a full set of teeth is represented every square mile.

@Maharlika: Kemosabe, you would fit right in there in Surrey.

[Maharlika]

Quote:

Originally posted by Chanak ....or Douglasville, home of the double-wide subdivisions, where a full set of teeth is represented every square mile.

...seems to me like a very hospitable and friendly neighborhood.

[Maharlika]

Quote:

Originally posted by Chanak @Maharlika: Kemosabe, you would fit right in there in Surrey.

...for as long as there are no pervy kender-fancier around...