Mother's really becoming a pain in the rump.

[Galuf the Dwarf]

I don't get it. Sure, it's construction time, and I've been helping out (mostly moving boxes around, sweeping, and transporting materials). Still, she calls my mostly-cleaned out room a pig sty when her own room is even more of a wreck. She says my brother's being a whiner when he's often getting disturbed from his sleep (he works during the night), having to often shift himself around due to the construction. And she makes me and my grandmother sound (to ourselves) uncooperative. Wake up and smell the dung, lady. You have your own tripe you should taste. I may be on the computer alot, but that's because I do need a break here and there, especially from the likes of you!

My dad can be both irritated & irritating, but in ways that I can stand better than this. I've come about a finger's thickness away from biting out my mother's tongue in disgust, alongside my younger brother. Now and again, my dad's also threatened her with divorce. I swear she almost threatened to throw my brother out of the house! WTH?! It's as if the person I knew and loved as my mom all these years got replaced by some fiend wearing her flesh.

Let me note, this is my mother at her worst. She can be nice, t she has really started to become a pain as of lately. She told me not to overdo it with this helping out thing not too long ago, and now she's cracking her tongue like a whip a significant (but not large) part of the time. Sure, situations may change, but some times it helps to try to be a little more courteous to those you know on a regular basis, mom.

Right now, I'd love to see her eat dirt for once. She thinks the rest of us need all the hard lessons. Boulderdash! I swear she doesn't know what's good for any of us here at home any more.

[Lestat]

Originally Posted by Galuf the Dwarf

It's as if the person I knew and loved as my mom all these years got replaced by some fiend wearing her flesh.

This reminds me of a phrase you can hear in a commercial you can hear on the radio in 'Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines': "I'm not your mom, I'm a creature that evolved out of your mom".

But seriously, the worst thing to do, however tempting, is to react in kind I think. That will cause only an escalation in anger. I don't know the situation and the persons involved, but the following might help:
- use silly, outrageous humor to defuse the situation (not caustic sarcasm), e.g. if she berates your brother for whining about being disturbed during his sleep, join in and tell him he should praise himself lucky he is not being sleep deprived in Guantanamo Bay.
- ask her what she wants exactly, instead of letting her stick to generalities ("you're a whiner", "your room is a pigsty",...), preferably in a extremely reasonable, conciliatory tone.
- refuse (politely) to talk to her if she takes on an unreasonable/angry/... tone ("Sorry mom, can we discuss this further when you're calmed down, I think it's not advisable to discuss this while you're so worked up").
In short, do whatever it takes to have her realise she's acting silly and not her usual self, without getting angry yourself. Easier said than done, I know.

There probably is a cause for her (recent) out of character behaviour, most probably linked to this construction work your talking about. It would be worthwile finding out what's bothering her.

Oh god, I really sound the amateur shrink but it might just help

[Kipi]

Galuf, I know exactly what you experiencing, 'cause I'm kinda in same situation myself. For example, First I had my final exams, I studied for them about 2-3 months, then I travelled abroad adn after I came back I had applying test to get to university. And my mom started to shout why I didn't get summerjob? She didn't care that I was very busy since new year and when I finally got enough time to find job, there weren't any left.
Some times I just can't understand what gets her so pissed of.

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Originally Posted by Lestat

This reminds me of a phrase you can hear in a commercial you can hear on the radio in 'Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines': "I'm not your mom, I'm a creature that evolved out of your mom".

But seriously, the worst thing to do, however tempting, is to react in kind I think. That will cause only an escalation in anger. I don't know the situation and the persons involved, but the following might help:
- use silly, outrageous humor to defuse the situation (not caustic sarcasm), e.g. if she berates your brother for whining about being disturbed during his sleep, join in and tell him he should praise himself lucky he is not being sleep deprived in Guantanamo Bay.
- ask her what she wants exactly, instead of letting her stick to generalities ("you're a whiner", "your room is a pigsty",...), preferably in a extremely reasonable, conciliatory tone.
- refuse (politely) to talk to her if she takes on an unreasonable/angry/... tone ("Sorry mom, can we discuss this further when you're calmed down, I think it's not advisable to discuss this while you're so worked up").
In short, do whatever it takes to have her realise she's acting silly and not her usual self, without getting angry yourself. Easier said than done, I know.

There probably is a cause for her (recent) out of character behaviour, most probably linked to this construction work your talking about. It would be worthwile finding out what's bothering her.

Oh god, I really sound the amateur shrink but it might just help

Well, it's been a while, so I'd thought I'd update this.

1) She doesn't respond well to humor when she's at her worst. She's more likely to use the whole "wisen up" spiel of many parents over any diffusion.

2) She just gets increasingly irritated if I ask too many questions. The more irritated she gets, the worse it is for us.

3) I have been trying this with varying resulting. Mostly she's still in a foul mood. She doesn't like to be seen as silly or incorrect.

4) Everything's bothering her. Construction along with almost everything else. She's even threatened to leave for Texas (got an aquaintance there) 2 or 3 times in the past month.

I'm quite certain my mother is pretty stubborn in her ways. She's pretty insistent upon being the queen of the hill. In some ways, she knows how to run things, but in other ways, she's been proven wrong by many of us, particularly with technology (wouldn't you expect this from a person a bit over twice my age who grew in poverty?).

This may probably end up being an interesting situation for a while.

[Lestat]

Originally Posted by Galuf the Dwarf

She's even threatened to leave for Texas (got an aquaintance there) 2 or 3 times in the past month.

That might be a solution... encourage her.

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Originally Posted by Lestat

That might be a solution... encourage her.

I'll think about that, but I'd think that I'm really the one in need of such a break. We'll see.

[Chanak]

Originally Posted by Galuf the Dwarf

I'm quite certain my mother is pretty stubborn in her ways. She's pretty insistent upon being the queen of the hill. In some ways, she knows how to run things, but in other ways, she's been proven wrong by many of us, particularly with technology (wouldn't you expect this from a person a bit over twice my age who grew in poverty?).

The best advice for you, all things considered: get out of dodge soon. Real soon.

There comes a point when one should pull up the tent pegs, load up the mules, and seek other pastures. Check out your options in this regard. One has their own life to lead, and there comes a point when the strain of trying to please another becomes more and more difficult to bear. From what you have written in your posts, I am familiar with some of the mechanics going on there. This is why my advice is to abandon ship, swim ashore and find somewhere else to hang out. It is the best solution. You cannot fix what is going on, and if you keep trying, you will find yourself more and more stressed, frustrated, and eventually at the end of your rope. It sounds to me as if it has reached that boiling point where no matter what you do, the manipulator (in this case, your mother) will find some reason to be upset.

I'm certain there's more going on here than what I've seen in this thread so far. No matter what that is - a mid-life crisis of sorts for your mother; perhaps some psychological problems resulting from menopause (that's a guess there); unresolved issues between her and your father; the answer for you is still the same. Abandon ship.

[dragon wench]

I tend to concur with Chan here. Though, I have gathered from your previous posts that moving out might not be an option, financially.

In this case, I do think you'd be best to encourage your mother to take a break as Lestat suggests.

A break can do wonders in helping people to sort out any issues they might be undergoing... and.. while she is gone you get a break as well.

Also, any sort of moving or construction can be extremely stressful to people. They can feel as though their entire world is being uprooted around them... So it could even be something as simple as this. It is possible that once the building is completed, your mother will revert back to the way she was previously. Just a thought anyway.

[Brynn]

Don't tolerate this. It's HER who causes the problem, not you and your bro and dad, you three should stop her! Don't let her rule over you just b/c her voice is stronger!