Love Bites

[frogus]

About a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend of more than a year...I thought we would get on better if we just acted how we wanted to, rather than how we thought a boyfriend or a girlfriend ought to act.

So I thought we would be much happier afterwards...

Then I met another girl.

But my ex says she still loves me, and we sometimes have to cry down the phone.

And the new girl lives in London, a two hour drive from me.

Now the first time I met my new love's mother was after calling her at 3 in the morning telling her that I had run out of money in the middle of London and that I was walking to her house (about four miles away). Then the second time I met her was in the morning after waking up in her daughter's bed, and she has really taken a horrible horrible disliking to me.

So she has forbidden her daughter from coming to Oxford.

I am going to London next weekend, but I cannot do it all the time.


Can a relationship be so impractical that you can just forget it?
What can I tell myself about this girl who I need to be with all the time, but cant at all?
Has anybody had to make a decision with their mind that just spits on their heart?

[Grendel]

Quote:

Originally posted by frogus <snip> the second time I met her was in the morning after waking up in her daughter's bed, and she has really taken a horrible horrible disliking to me.

Duh!!

If you really care you will find a way - that true love thing and all...
Meet in the middle. Cambridge, right? Neutral ground.

Avoid dealing with mothers at all costs, 'cept your own.

[VonDondu]

Quote:

Originally posted by frogus Has anybody had to make a decision with their mind that just spits on their heart?

Yes. But actually, I tend to look at it the other way around: my heart rebels against me and makes a mess of my life. I call it the "rebel heart unkind". There's no limit to the perversity that corrupts our very soul.

[C Elegans]

First I'd like to say I'm sorry to hear you and your ex are no longer together However, I am happy to hear you've met another girl you love

Quote:

Originally posted by frogus Has anybody had to make a decision with their mind that just spits on their heart?

Yes, and there are few things in my life I regret, but that decision I regretted for years afterwards.

First, let me state that I am not a fan of the dualistic notion that rationality and sense contradicts emotions and love. It belive your question should be viewed from a perspective where we consider what needs you have, and what kind of personality you have and what factors you hold as important in life in general.

A person with a strong need for safety and a personality that wants to have an organised, structured life with a certain degree of predictability, would surely need to consider impracticality and assess the risks associated with the mother's disliking. A person with a strong need for emotional swings and a personality that needs self-expression and accepts or even wants unpredictability, will quite rationally choose to follow his or her emotions.

The problem with always acting totally according to rationality is, as I see it, that life then also becomes highly predictable. It may however have very negative or even destructive consequences to make irrational choices in many areas of our lives, such as values like moral, religion or politics, or our choice of education and later our professional life. However, love is by nature not necessarily rational and does not need to be either, so IMO love is the ideal arena to act out our needs for unpredictability and express all our sudden impulses, if that is a need or a wish we have. So if you are anything like me Frogus, which I belive you are, you cannot choose to let the practical issues disrupt your relationship to this girls. If you feel you need to be with her all the time, look for practical solutions to the practical problems, don't force the two of you to abstain from each other totally because of practical problems. Love will neither dimish nor become less valuable because you cannot see each other as often as you want to.