Lesson learned..

[Littiz]

... the hard way. Everyone's damnation, maybe.
But the dark brings good advice tonight.
There are only things. For God's sake, always try to surround you with things and be happy.
I won't bore others and *myself* with details of the story, but it won't happen again,
I won't fall again.
It happened (for real, I mean) three times in my life.. the results were... devastating.

Three is a number with a meaning.
I swear upon my honour, I won't show my true-self again to a girl/woman.
They will never know who I am, again.
It's only a weapon for them. A "weapon of specific individual destruction", I might say.
Oh, no, they'll see only my dark side, the only one they like, the only one that has been loved in the past,
and is loved today.
And it can be horribly dark. It was well wrapped, contained, secured...

I remember an old italian comic movie, one of those B-movies that made the cult and the history of everyone
of my generation.
The "good hero" is about to smack the villain, and this one says:

"hey, you just can't! You are the GOOD ONE!"
"There's no evil one more evil than a good one when he becomes evil!"

Hope my translation is understandable...
Anyway this how I feel now, and how my future will be marked, in the appropriate context.

Sorry for rant, of course

[Scayde]

My Dear Friend. Please do not let your course be chosen by disappointment. Life is filled with moments such as these. Let them wash through you, and over you. Treat them as a storm. and like a storm, thy will pass.

You are a wonderful and unique young man. You have a brilliant mind, and an artistic soul. You are beautiful to look at. Do not hide these things behind a mask. You have a dark aspect n your nature. I think most of us do, especially the artist. This adds to your character, and gives you depth. It is a wonderful thing, but do not let this darkness become your defineing characteristic. There is so much more to you than this.

Take love as it comes. It is a gift. Try not to miss it when it goes. Love will come again. Your heart is tender. A tender heart will find you. Do not search too hard for another, but be vigilant, so you will see her love when it comes your way. Bitterness is the thing which love flees from. Do not let bitterness take root in your heart. Remain honest with yourself. Be who you are. Be all you are, not just part. I am sorry with all of my heart to know for your pain. I am certain beyond doubt, that you will survive this, and only be made richer of spirit. Do not loose heart

*HUG*

[Littiz]

@Scayde:
believe me, knowing you makes me much more gentle towards your entire gender.
But women have hurt me too much. There *is* a limit. And I'm cold-minded, now.
Let me just tell what happened the first of the three times I was *really* out of my head for a girl.
Just this one, the others.. I'll just skip.

I was 15, I (thought I) loved this girl in my class (the first time it happens, he, you just don't see anything else).
She knew it too well. The thing lasted an year, at the end, I invited her to study with me (to help her of course...)
an afternoon. Took me a whole load of courage.
Well, I was timid, trembling and all but I tried. I tried to kiss her... and she kissed back.
Still maybe, the most incredible 10 seconds in my life..
Immediately after, she asked me if I noticed, by chance, that she wasn't that good at kissing..
Who damn cares!?? I thought. I liked it anyway, and told her.
Ehehe... somehow she managed to explain. She was to arrange something with a guy the day after.
She was worried about her "kissing skills", she had yet to learn.
She didn't want to face the event "unprepared".
Next day, she had a new -unknown to me- boyfriend. Maybe it just sounds like a stupid thing...
I won't try to explain what humiliation meant for me on my 15s.

Anyway, the other two times, somehow the same. More mature actors, but...
A few happy moments, whose memory had been poisoned by the worst of the poisons.

I'm almost 27 by now, and things don't change. Time to accept the learnings.
Offer your strong side, and you'll collect something. Only material things, maybe, but something which can't be stolen back.
Offer your weak side, and you'll be stabbed right there, where it hurts. Enough for me.

Of course I'll survive, dear friend, as always I look more tragic than wanted!!!
Yet, forgive the retoric, something has really died this time: my desire.
I'm tired of desires, this is *Earth* after all.
Worms, war, death, suffering, and all. What the hell do I want? I've already had much.

P.S: ehi, thanx again, but you exagerate about my looks! Maybe "live" you'd judge differently

[Scayde]

@Littiz; Your words are very kind. Thank you.

27 !!!.......I must apologize for referring to you as a youth. Please excuse me, but you look rather young in your pictures. I understand that we look differently in RL than photos, but by far, people usually look even better in 3D than their pictures, so I stand by my assessment. You are handsome

I do not think there is anything wrong with putting your strong side first. Sometimes we are too quick to show our vulnerabilities. I think what I was trying to say was do not close off that tender part of yourself. Protect it? Yes, well maybe. There is nothing wrong than being protective of your selves, and you do not have to make yourself vulnerable to everyone you meet. But do not neglect that side of yourself. Someday, you will have a need for it. The day you meet the woman you are destined to build your life with. The day you hold your child for the first time. The day you hold your mother's hand and help her to stand, on the day she no longer can. The day you see your child off to begin their own life. All of these times, you will need that tender heart of yours. Please, do not lock it away so tightly, that you forget the combination, and can not get to it on the day it is needed

[Chanak]

@Littiz: I know all too well how it feels to give your heart away...and watch the one you gave it to stab it repeatedly. It is impossible to get back that which is given away, for once you part with it, it is always gone. This sort of loss is an inconsolable one...no amount of words or kindness can erase the reality of what happened. What happens to us after it happens is what matters, my friend.

The myth of Prometheus says something that I feel is an elemental truth inherent in this existence we often suffer through. Chained to a rock on Mount Olympus by Zeus, Prometheus had his perpetually regenerating liver torn from him daily by a winged monstrosity. He paid a price for sharing the secret of fire with humanity. Much in the same way, Littiz, we pay for sharing the secret fire in us with others. Only in our case, Mount Olympus is life, the liver is our emotional heart, and the monstrosity can be a loved one.

Had he to do it over again, would Prometheus still give to humankind the secret of fire? I think so. I would. What we gain by sharing the fire, in the end, makes the suffering we sometimes endure worth it. And remember....Prometheus did not simply perish, chained to Mount Olympus. His liver grew anew each day...

What you have inside of you, Littiz, is not something that simply dies, leaving you barren and lifeless. On the contrary...though you may bleed your life's blood upon the rock of the mountain, what was taken from you returns. The heart that was ripped from your chest not only grows back again...but it grows back even greater than it was before. In the midst of your agony, it is impossible to see. I know, I've been there. Yet, through your suffering, you will see that a journey through the Valley of Death is the price you pay for the bliss of the Paradise that awaits you on the other side. There is sorrow and suffering there....but there is also much gladness and joy. It's beauty is only deepened by the tears.

[Nightmare]

Everything that can be said has been said by both Scayde and Chanak, I think.

You'll pull through, no matter how dark it seems.

[Littiz]

@Scayde: hey I said ALMOST 27! Now I'm old, decaying and doomed?!!?
Anyway those pics are dated a few months ago, and usually I'm judged to be about 23-24..
Maybe I've been kept under salt for too much time

I always repent about these mad posts of mine, but thanx all for your beautyful replies..
Precious words, I know. Thanx!
Still, for now things will have to change
What I heard yesterday won't be forgotten