| |  If Men Ruled the World
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06-22-2001, 12:41 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Pizza Place
Posts: 3,490
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If Men Ruled the World
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out. )
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
Two words: Ally McNaked.
Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
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Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
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06-22-2001, 12:44 AM
|  | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Denmark
Posts: 13,863
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OMG - that would be really good - I like it, lets take over the world.  | | |
06-22-2001, 01:34 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Strana Mechti
Posts: 5,689
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"Chikara wa seigyo dekiru kedo, sore ni, tayoru tsumori wa nai."
"I can control my power but I have no intention of relying on it."
"Is there anything you want, anything at all. Come to me, I'll be your guardian angel" | | |
06-22-2001, 02:33 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,274
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*It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.*
this is unacceptable behaivour?  i thought it was just fun!
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This has been a SPAM AND RUN by Leedogg
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06-22-2001, 09:04 AM
|  | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 30,320
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"If men ruled the world"...?
You mean, as opposed to its current condition, ruled by an unending mass of ****roaches?
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. | | |
06-22-2001, 09:08 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Dead End Street
Posts: 11,274
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That is not a nice way to refer to Wav and Grunt
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I'd have to get drunk every night and talk about virility...And those Pink elephants I'd see.
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06-22-2001, 09:13 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gamebanshee Asylum
Posts: 10,197
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LMAO
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"Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop. | | |
06-22-2001, 10:42 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: England
Posts: 4,997
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LOL
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I'm Devious
This is my Gift. This is my Curse. Who am I? I'm SpiderCraig | | |
06-22-2001, 11:27 AM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Somewhere beyond the sea
Posts: 4,989
| |  Quote:
Originally posted by Vehemence:
<STRONG>If Men Ruled the World</STRONG>
| Quote: |
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
| So, girls do give you fake phone numbers... Quote: |
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
| No way! I don't want any men to misunderstand I meant "I love you". Quote: |
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
| Yeah, that could be useful... Quote: |
If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
| I'll pass on this one, because I have no problem with men watching sports. Quote: |
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
| Most girls can tell you "Why don't you just p!ss off, you pathetic g!t?" without a smack. Quote: |
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
| You may not notice, but you are taking birth control. You would be useless by the time you manage to reach her front door. Quote: |
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
| Why??? Quote: |
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
| Or, footballers.  Quote: |
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
| Oh, you shouldn't give up your hope so easily... Quote: |
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
| You cannot use that everyday, surely... Quote: |
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
| Quote: |
It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
| Oookkaayyy... Quote: |
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
| When is the last time you looked into a mirror? Quote: |
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
| what for? Quote: |
Garbage would take itself out. )
| Because that what you are, and you have legs. Quote: |
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
| There are many who have both beer belly and beer biceps, you know. Some even have beer bottom... Quote: |
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"
| You should feel lucky if you ever get a woman to begin with... Quote: |
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
| So, you will only be miserable once every four years. Quote: |
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
| What is Groundhog Day? 
Your mother particularly deserves drink, don't you think? Quote: |
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
| Quote: |
But it would be celebrated every month.
| I agree. Quote:
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
| Is that a smart-aleck answer?  Well, well... Quote: |
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
| So, you don't have to be embarrassed about much. 
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"Strength without wisdom falls by its own weight."
A word to the wise is sufficient
Minerva (Semi-retired SYMer)
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06-22-2001, 12:35 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Twixt firelight and water
Posts: 7,272
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@ Minerva ROFLMAO *raises guinness to you..Cheers*
__________________ GameBanshee Make your gaming scream! "I have seen them/I have watched them all fall/I have been them/I have watched myself crawl" "I will only complicate you/Trust in me and fall as well" "Quiet time...no more whine" | | |
06-22-2001, 12:40 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,274
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minerva- lmao. you are truly wise. 
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This has been a SPAM AND RUN by Leedogg
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06-22-2001, 01:02 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Somewhere beyond the sea
Posts: 4,989
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Thank you, T'lainya and leedogg. It was a bit long work, I can tell you.
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"Strength without wisdom falls by its own weight."
A word to the wise is sufficient
Minerva (Semi-retired SYMer)
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06-22-2001, 01:07 PM
| | Banned | | Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,618
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If men ruled the world, they would be very lonely.
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06-22-2001, 01:49 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Somewhere beyond the sea
Posts: 4,989
| | Quote:
Originally posted by Darkpoet:
<STRONG>If men ruled the world, they would be very lonely.</STRONG>
| Ummm, that is true...
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"Strength without wisdom falls by its own weight."
A word to the wise is sufficient
Minerva (Semi-retired SYMer)
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06-22-2001, 04:15 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Under the blue sky
Posts: 4,563
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Even if men attempt to rule the world,the time it takes for that to happen will surely be a long one.I don't think that there will be much of a world left by the time men gains complete control of everything on Earth(based on men's tactics for world domination, I'm sure there will be a huge population lost before someone emerges victorious )
[ 06-22-2001: Message edited by: Brink ]
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