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04-23-2002, 02:11 PM
|  | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,399
| | | First, we kill all the lawyers
A friend of mine just sent me these--
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to
lawyers? It's called, Sosumi.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They have pictures of lawyers on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read your newspaper?
What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands were not met.
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common? They are both extinct.
What do you say about 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? A round of Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What does a lawyer do after sex? Pays the bill.
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
What's red and black and looks really good on a lawyer's neck? A
Doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute stops screwing you after you are dead.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One is a
blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Where can you find a good lawyer? The nearest cemetery.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-23-2002, 02:28 PM
|  | Moderator | | Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Mindlessly floating around.
Posts: 4,215
| | I dont mock lawyers, Its like kicking a tied up child.  |
04-23-2002, 02:40 PM
|  | Moderator and Board Bimbo | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The space within
Posts: 9,799
| | LOL Fable  I think I'll hang around here til Astafas sees this thread
__________________ "There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance." - Hippocrates Moderator of Planescape: Torment, Action RPG discussion, Diablo II, Dungeon Siege and Space Siege |
04-23-2002, 02:40 PM
| | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,399
| | Quote: Originally posted by Dottie
I dont mock lawyers, Its like kicking a tied up child. | A tied-up child of thirty with one hand in your pocket and the other around your throat, you mean.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-23-2002, 02:49 PM
| | Moderator | | Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Mindlessly floating around.
Posts: 4,215
| | Quote: Originally posted by fable
A tied-up child of thirty with one hand in your pocket and the other around your throat, you mean. | There is perhaps a point in that allegory too, but on this forum I should be quiet safe.  |
04-23-2002, 05:03 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: May 2001 Location: The dark place in your mind.
Posts: 871
| |  I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE
Why is it we discuss taking people's feelings into consideration all the time on this site, and then say that it really only applies to certain groups thorugh our actions??! What is it that gives you the right to attack lawyers, one of the oldest, most respected professions in the world? The fact that it has been cliched to death notwithstanding, it is inappropriate, malodorous and aimed not at amusment, but inflicting pain. BOTH of my parents were lawyers, and my GRANDFATHER was a lawyer, I'm deeply offended on their behalf-. My parents and I have been very close, and to hear you people insult their life's work is like nailing coffin nails into their respectability and reputation, degrading their lives and thereby, mine. My grandfather is dead ( a good start as some of YOU might say), and here you are, staining his resposeful hereafter with this kind of thoughtless talk. My son is in law school, shall I tell him he's wasting his life? His girlfriend is cheating on him with a lawyer from a firm downtown here, is she one of the lucky one's who gets to screw a lawyer as opposed to the other way around?? 
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04-23-2002, 06:05 PM
| | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,399
| | Quote: Originally posted by Witch King
BOTH of my parents were lawyers, and my GRANDFATHER was a lawyer, I'm deeply offended on their behalf-. My parents and I have been very close, and to hear you people insult their life's work is like nailing coffin nails into their respectability and reputation, degrading their lives and thereby, mine. My grandfather is dead ( a good start as some of YOU might say), and here you are, staining his resposeful hereafter with this kind of thoughtless talk. My son is in law school, shall I tell him he's wasting his life? His girlfriend is cheating on him with a lawyer from a firm downtown here, is she one of the lucky one's who gets to screw a lawyer as opposed to the other way around??
| @Foul, are you completely serious, here, jerking our chains, or using facts to build a tirade a la Racine?
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Last edited by fable; 04-23-2002 at 06:15 PM.
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04-23-2002, 06:39 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | | @Foul: You have points about emotions, and stuff like that, but also, you gotta understand Fable was just kidding around. Their is adifference between joking, and seriousness, and I'm sure Fable, much less anyone else in SYM, truly thinks of all lawyers that way. |
04-23-2002, 07:37 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gamebanshee Asylum
Posts: 10,199
| |  Come into my web!
Quote: Originally posted by fable
@Foul, are you completely serious, here, jerking our chains, or using facts to build a tirade a la Racine? | Foul being serious? I very well doupt this, more like putting out bait to catch the unwise.
First to be caught....
>>>>>What was that Aegis? <<<<<
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04-23-2002, 08:00 PM
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Posts: 28,399
| | Well, he did post that he was "being sillly, in my way" over in another thread, referring his comments over here. I suspect that any lawyer would just smirk at the remarks. After all, you have to have a very thick skin to be in law. That, and long, pointy teeth, large claws, beady eyes...
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-23-2002, 09:14 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: I am omnipresent
Posts: 616
| | | This thread made me think about some of the things that people just like to make fun of. Lawyer is an example, another is Canada. Now, what I don't understand is why we hate lawyers and why we like to make fun of the Canadians?
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The Church could use someone like that.
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04-23-2002, 10:11 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 17,964
| | Quote: Originally posted by humanflyz
This thread made me think about some of the things that people just like to make fun of. Lawyer is an example, another is Canada. Now, what I don't understand is why we hate lawyers and why we like to make fun of the Canadians? |
I think it is just envy 
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04-23-2002, 10:21 PM
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04-23-2002, 10:23 PM
| | Temporarily on Leave | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
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| | Lawyers have always been perceived as getting very wealthy from "making the worse case look like the better." This same attitude existed as far back as Ancient Rome. The fact that many lawyers have also taken their wealth and successfully entered politics hasn't escaped public notice over time, either.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
04-23-2002, 10:37 PM
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Posts: 1,363
| | | @Fable- I've heard most of them before, but they're still funny.
@Foul: If you are serious- I also have relatives who are lawyers.
In fact, one of the greatest people I've ever known was Howard Squadron- a respected New York Lawyer who passed away a few months ago from cancer. To tell you how respected he was- former mayor of NYC-Dinkins was a close friiend, who spoke at the ceremony. Among his other clients and friends were Rupert Murdoch and News Corp. I was actualy glad he passed away when he did- he was nearly a vegetable, and about a month after his passing his firm was sold.
In short- I didn't take the jokes as serious, just as jokes about the classic image of lawyers.
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i mean deep down inside i really have a bruning desire to be a canadian.
