First Impressions ?

[CM]

Originally Posted by Bloodstalker

@fas, I can't speak for obsidian, but personally, I don't think of it that way. I can make allowances for bad days, moodiness, etc., but certain things in the way people carry themselves, mannerisms, expressions, etc tell me a lot about people. It's not so much the mood they may be in as certain underlying things about them that they tend to project that are independant of mood or anything else. For example, if all they want to do is run down everyone else they know, I avoid them like the plague. If a guy is talking trash about all his friends to me, then he's talking trash about me to them. On the inter gender side, if a woman I meet happens to magically have every single interest that I do, like everything that I like, and dislike everything that I dislike, or has no opinions on anything that contradict any of mine, then she's faking herself. The other things I can't explain, but some people I meet just send out vibes that tell me to be wary for one reason or another.

I agree that there are certain things that are a tale tell sign of certain characteristics and attributes a person has. But they can also be very rare times when these tale tell signs are visible. The thing is first impressions in my opinion are not based on characteristics but rather on superficious things.

I am no different in a suit with a typical hair cut then i am with extremely long hair and a french goatee. But i do get treated differently. I am in a suit and all of a sudden at the UN i am getting a good morning sir, welcome. If i am in long hair and a pair of jeans and i am getting questioned about why i want to enter the UN.

Again these things are superficious. Of course this does not mean that people do it all the time. But the way you dress or act on a specific day does not in anyway tell a person about your personality.

Those examples i agree with. If people did that around me they would get into trouble. Actually they have. I have stopped talking to people due to trash talk about mutual friends.

I have learnt that according to my friends both in geneva and my paki friends around the world that the way i treat Pakistani girls is very much in line with what is precieved as flirting in our society. I honestly treat them like any european or american girl. But either way when i meet Pakistani girls my age or in their teens i limit my conversation to a very formal manner. Because it has come back to bite in a very bad way in 2003. So yeah i do play down my charming qualities with paki women

[Yshania]

Originally Posted by dragon wench

But I'm wondering does anybody else here make fairly quick impressions that they generally stick with? Or, do you usually give individuals a fair trial?

I am trying to remember if I have ever found myself actually disliking someone based on first impressions, and am struggling to remember if it has ever truly happened. I think, at worst, I might have found myself wary, or uninterested or indifferent as to whether I meet the person again and, should I meet the person again, I remain as polite to them as they are to me, is this a fair trial?

In business, I have formal relationships with people I have no other interest in, and these relationships are based on need, trust and mutual respect, not how I feel about them in particular.

On the other hand, I have found myself instantly liking someone based on my first impressions, something about them might intrigue or inspire me, amuse me or have me feel at ease with them. Generally, these people are honest about who they really are, and are comfortable with this.

We meet a lot of people in our time - we can't form close relationships with all of them, and actually disliking someone creates a negative energy that life is to short to accommodate IMO.

[Cuchulain82]

Originally Posted by Yshania

...In business, I have formal relationships with people I have no other interest in, and these relationships are based on need, trust and mutual respect, not how I feel about them in particular.

On the other hand, I have found myself instantly liking someone based on my first impressions, something about them might intrigue or inspire me, amuse me or have me feel at ease with them. Generally, these people are honest about who they really are, and are comfortable with this...

Everyone is talking about the different facets they present to the world and the relationships that can come about it got me thinking about friends, the people who "know" you, no matter which part of yourself you are at a given moment.

Aristotle actually wrote a lot about friendships, and he came to a similar conclusion to your own Yshania. He broke them down into 3 categories:
Friendships of utility
Friendships of pleasure
Friendships of the Good (or virtue- "true" friendships)

He thought that anyone we encounter and befriend fell into one of those 3 categories. Either we talk to someone because we need them (utility), because they make us feel good (pleasure), or because of something Good. Sometimes pleasure and utility overlap, but true friendships are very rare.

All this posting about impressions made me wonder if anyone has thought about the impressions DW asked about and how they friendship/your friends- has anyone ever had an encounter with someone they knew would grow into a true friend? Do you think you can tell that sort of thing from first impressions? And if, as some people have indicated, we're always changing our impressions of people, does that have anything to do with friends?