Eulogy advice (no spam- I mean it!)

[Cuchulain82]

Once again I'm asking pseudo-anynonimous strangers on the internet for advice. My grandfather recently died after a short-term illness. It is sad, but he was 86 and lived a very full life.

I've been given the task of speaking at the service in a few days. Does anyone here have advice about giving a quality eulogy? I'd like to do well, but I'm not really sure how to do so, so I'm asking for advice. Specific advice from experience is preferred. Help please!

[Claudius]

My friend did this for her father's eulogy. She was able to do it but it helped to have it written up to read from just in case. She also had her aunt with her in case she couldn't speak it and for moral support.

Just relaying some information. Sorry for your loss.

claudius

[VonDondu]

First of all, don't try to give a sermon about what life and death mean, and don't say things like, "It is sad, but he was 86 and lived a very full life." Let other people find their own perspective for themselves.

Second of all, I think the main purpose of a eulogy is to express the reasons why you think that particular person was special. I don't suppose there's anything wrong with saying something like, "He was one of God's children," but it should be more personal than that. Why did you love your grandfather? Can you think of a specific anecdote that other people might enjoy? Stories along the lines of "he taught me how to fish, and I remember the first time he took me fishing" are appropriate material for a grandson. Or maybe you can think of something he said that inspired you that you can share with everyone else. As for other ideas, did he make a particularly endearing remark, for example, the first time he met a woman you loved? She would appreciate hearing something like that in your eulogy.

[Cuchulain82]

Good golly. Vondu, you continue to amaze. For some reason, you've hit the nail on the head. Thanks for the great advice (and please excuse my lack of specificity).

[BlueSky]

I've had to do this very thing.....very hard position to be in. But I found if you
speak from the heart.....
you will do fine.

[Lady Dragonfly]

My condolences.
I would like to add that the main virtues of any eulogy are sincerity and brevity. You can rehearse your speech in advance, but NOBODY should notice that. And no papers.
Good luck.

[VonDondu]

Cuchulain, I'm glad that my advice was useful.

I don't mean to contradict Lady Dragonfly, but I think the acceptability of reading from a prepared speech varies from one group of people to the next, so you should consider the reaction you're likely to get in front of "your own people". I think you should also consider your own needs. In my own social circles, there's nothing wrong with reading a eulogy. We don't expect anyone to give a perfect presentation, especially not if they're emotional and likely to choke up. We take it for granted that the eulogy was written from the heart, especially if we can tell that it took a lot of time and thought to write. Reading it instead of trying to recall everything from memory makes things easier, and that's okay if that's what it takes for a person to get through it.

But that only applies to my own social circles as far as I know. You should consider your own circumstances. You might decide that you should take Lady Dragonfly's advice.

I'm reminded of the press conference that was recently given by the mayor of San Diego in which he explained why he had decided not to veto a city council resolution to permit same-sex unions. (When he was running for office, he made a campaign promise to veto such a resolution, but he changed his mind at the "eleventh hour".) He got choked up when he realized how his decision would impact the lives of people he actually knows and cares about. In an effort to wind things up, he resorted to reading the text just so he could finish and leave the room. He was in no condition to "shoot from the hip", so to speak. But even though he read his remarks instead of saying them "normally", most observers seem to believe that his performance was "sincere" and "touching" and "powerful". It was certainly the most remarkable press conference I've seen in a long time. (I saw it on YouTube.)

On the other hand, I've heard my share of "canned" eulogies, and they did fall flat. My reaction was, "This is just another boring, meaningless sermon I could hear at ANYBODY's funeral, and I just want the guy to get it over with." As long as your eulogy is sincere, heartfelt, and personal, I don't think you'll have that problem.