Eating OUt... The Long and the Short of it...

[dragon wench]

Er... I'll just let this one speak for itself...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main...17/wfood17.xml (if you want to see the photos )


On the menu today: horse penis and testicles with a chilli dip
By Richard Spencer in Beijing
(Filed: 17/02/2006)

The menu at Beijing's latest venue for its growing army of gourmets is eye-watering rather than mouth-watering.

China's cuisine is renowned for being "in your face" - from the skinned dogs displayed at food markets to the kebabbed scorpions sold on street stalls - and there is no polite way of describing Guo-li-zhuang.

The waitress presents a dish combining the male organs of the ox and snake
A dish combining the male organs of an ox and a snake

Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing's West Lake, it is China's first speciality penis restaurant.

Here, businessmen and government officials can sample the organs of yaks, donkeys, oxen and even seals. In fact, they have to, since they form part of every dish - except for those containing testicles.

"This is my third visit," said one customer, Liu Qiang. "Of course, there are other restaurants that serve the bian of individual animals. But this is the first that brings them all together."

Guolizhuang's owner, who set it up in November, is proud to combine his own surname (Guo), his wife's (Li) and his son's nickname (Zhuang) into its title.

A booking comes with a trained waitress and a nutritionist in attendance, to explain the menu and to boast its medicinal virtues.

A dog's penis, garnished with a plum
Dog's penis, garnished with a plum

In China, you are what you eat, and The Daily Telegraph's nutritionist, Zhu Yan, said the clients were mainly men eager to improve their yang, or virility. Women could benefit, too, she added, although she told the Telegraph's female photographer: "I wouldn't recommend the testicles. The testosterone might interfere in fertility. But many women say bian is good for the skin."

Some dishes appear unexceptional, such as the simple goat penis, sliced, dipped in flour, fried, and served skewered with soy sauce.

But Guolizhuang also has its showpieces, such as the elegantly named "Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet" (provided by horses from the western Muslim region of Xin-jiang), for £20 a portion, or "Dragon in the Flame of Desire" (yak, steamed whole, fried and flambéed) for £35.

For beginners, Miss Zhu recommended the hotpot, which offers a sampling of what the restaurant has to offer - six types of penis, and four of testicle, boiled in chicken stock by the waitress, Liu Yunyang, 22.

The Russian dog was first. It was julienned, and rather gamey.

The ox was, of all six, the most recognisable for what it was, even though it had been diced. In texture seemed identical to gristle.

The deer and the Mongolian goat were surprisingly similar: a little stringy, they had the appearance and feel of overcooked squid tentacles. The Xinjiang horse and the donkey, on the other hand, were quite different. Though both came sliced lengthwise, and looked like bacon, the horse was light and fatty, while the donkey had a firm colour and taste. The testicles were slightly crumbly, and tasted better with lashings of the sesame, soy and chilli dips thoughtfully provided.

One speciality, Canadian seal penis, costs a hefty £220, and requires ordering in advance. Miss Liu confessed that Guo-li-zhuang was an unusual place to work, partly because of her training - she has to recite tales proving the vigour of the animals in question as they are being eaten - and partly because of the interaction with the clientele. "I did find it embarrassing at first," she said. "And sometimes the customers take advantage of me by asking rude questions."

As for the supposed health benefits, Mr Liu, the most regular customer, was uncertain but hopeful. "I can't say I've noticed any difference yet," he said. "But it's a long-term thing."

[Magrus]

When I first the read the title I thought "Wow, she's posting a guide for the boys on the board..." This makes it a bit less dirty than what I had in mind.

Funny, but hey, if people are going to be killing these animals for food, why not use everything and keep that stuff from going to waste? Great business idea, not that I could bring myself to eat the stuff. Texture is way too important for me. Stringy indeed. Hmphh.

[fable]

The Russian dog was first. It was julienned, and rather gamey.

Do they deliver?

[Fiona]

Originally Posted by fable

Do they deliver?

On their promises?

As for the supposed health benefits, Mr Liu, the most regular customer, was uncertain but hopeful. "I can't say I've noticed any difference yet," he said. "But it's a long-term thing."

It seems not

[dragon wench]

Originally Posted by fable

The Russian dog was first. It was julienned, and rather gamey.

Do they deliver?

Geeze Fable.. Are you sure a dish like that would be good for your heart?

@Mag,
lol! I do have *some* discretion you know

[Magrus]

Originally Posted by Fiona

On their promises?

As for the supposed health benefits, Mr Liu, the most regular customer, was uncertain but hopeful. "I can't say I've noticed any difference yet," he said. "But it's a long-term thing."

It seems not

Sorry, can't believe he thinks that would improve...nevermind. Males confuse me sometimes.

@ DW, I thought maybe you'd gotten good and drunk for once.

[Fiona]

Originally Posted by Magrus

Sorry, can't believe he thinks that would improve...nevermind. Males confuse me sometimes.

I think it is a form of *sympathetic* magic. Has a long tradition, I believe

[dragon wench]

Originally Posted by Magrus

@ DW, I thought maybe you'd gotten good and drunk for once.

I could only wish...

@Fiona,
ROFLMAO!

[Magrus]

Originally Posted by Fiona

I think it is a form of *sympathetic* magic. Has a long tradition, I believe

Bah, nonsense. Those people are much better off learning how to use their mouth for something else than gulping down ox parts in that case.

@ DW, Come now, your tolerance cannot be THAT high. Mine has gone down a bit, but I used to need half a liter to get drunk and it still happened. Expensive, but it happened.

[Fiona]

Originally Posted by Magrus

Bah, nonsense. Those people are much better off learning how to use their mouth for something else than gulping down ox parts in that case.

Er.....it is a question of subject and object, perhaps? Some people just don't do altruism

[dragon wench]

@Mag,
regarding my tolerance... Unfortunately it is very high. I *can* eventually become drunk, but because of the high levels of alcohol in my system by that point, I also get violently ill. It's just not worth it.. Besides, I'm not keen to end up with liver poisoning..
I just drink because I enjoy the taste of some things. Wine is probably my favourite, since it is all about the sensation of taste.

[fable]

Originally Posted by dragon wench

Geeze Fable.. Are you sure a dish like that would be good for your heart?

Absolutely not. But it was a remark that had to be made, and I was the one given that signal honor.

[Magrus]

Originally Posted by Fiona

Er.....it is a question of subject and object, perhaps? Some people just don't do altruism

Some people need to cope with what they have and need to learn how to use it better than try to improve it for their own comfort level.

@ DW, I've come to that point. I still get drunk...but, eh, I really do enjoy my creative expression in making tasty drinks. I quit drinking for some time. What brought me back? I missed the taste of a good rum and coke. I love it!

I can't stand dogs alive, let alone thinking of eating one. *shudders*

[Obsidian]

Originally Posted by Magrus

When I first the read the title I thought "Wow, she's posting a guide for the boys on the board..." This makes it a bit less dirty than what I had in mind.

I was getting ready to take notes.

Edit (another thought)- If you choked at this establishment, how would you phrase it?

[Lestat]

It surprises me that noone has yet made any oblique references to coq au vin. Or wiener schnitzel. (or where you waiting for me to do that?)