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The one other aspect of midget throwing that we have thus far overlooked is the ability of the gnomish people to soar (no pun intended) as projectile weapons.
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Dunadan has made a valuable contribution to this august gathering with his comment, above. In all fairness, we should (however briefly) examine in this journal the effects of gnomish ammunition on ancient and modern warfare.
It is believed that gnomes first became airborne in prehistoric, unrecorded times; for although the gnomes themselves have written little upon the matter, there are references made in ancient elven lays (cf particularly "The Doom Dweomer of Whiteleaf Heartsblade and the Farmer's Daughter of Detmold," lines 2302-2323) and even the occasional dwarven skaldchant:
"Booming heartily, heavily heaved
the ogres mightily their miniature arms;
swift and sure the living weapons flew,
nostrils a-quiver with battle bane,
voices hoarse with hate-filled harm..."
Of course there's no direct evidence in the above that gnomes were the preferred ammunition du jour of the ogres in question, but the reference to "nostrils" is highly suggestive (given the relative importance of the gnomish nose to the gnomish face); while the "voices hoarse with hate-filled harm" could very well refer to the traditional gnomish battlecry:
"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH, NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"
...so very easily misunderstood in the enthusiasm of the moment.
Be that as it may, the first recorded, historical reference to an airborne gnome dates from 4,285 years ago in the small economic community of Belgium-on-the-Ulcer. (And parenthetically, it is being celebrated later this year. You are all invited, but bring your own.) One Kneebok Burreebop was involved in minor altercation with his wife and life companion, Tunisia Theremin (known to all her friends--meaning her mother, and a budgee, as Sarah Jane). This was not unusual, as Kneebok and Tunisia were known to engage in mild though loud disputes that could be heard at quite a distance, since both participants were slightly deaf and had been earnest students of primal screaming in their earlier years. (They once toured as members of the Maynard Ferguson band, in fact.)
What did make this argument noteworthy, however, was the sudden appearance of Kneebok through the roof of his thatched hut, without any visible means of support. He continued on a trajectory ((W2+S/X = 5 miles from Amstelveen, carry the 1, makes 20) which took him into the neighboring village of Boise (population 321, but growing). After he was recovered from the municipal fountain, dusted off, and treated to a couple of flagons of gnomish lavender whiskey, he explained that Tunisia had taken exception to some remark of his, and, gesturing wildly, had inadvertently catapulted her husband into the ether. Of course, ether she did so inadvertently, or she didn't; but the point remains that whatever the motivation, she succeeded. And by any reckoning, rather well, since the Boise village elders noted Kneebok's hangtime, and gave Tunisia a collective 6.8. (It would have been higher, but the Roumanian judge, Kneebok's own cousin, Bamcurdle Constantinescu, didn't like his form.)
The municipal records indicate that Kneebok took the whole matter in good spirits, and returned to his wife the very same day. Evidently they chose to willingly experiment in a similar vein, for Tunisia abruptly flew out of their house (using the same hole in the roof--a nice touch, that, on Kneebok's part, since it was environmentally friendly) less than twenty-four hours later. She only traveled to the edge of Belgium-of-the-Ulcer, however, since Kneebok, a thrifty sort, wanted to save on cabfare.
This pair of exploits were much heralded at the time. Military experts took a close look at the gnomish potential for surprise ranged assault, and made copious notes.
During my next post on this material, I will detail the momentus events that followed, which secured all gnomekind a privileged position in the history of directed flight and airborne warfare.
[This message has been edited by fable (edited 04-06-2001).]
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