Dwarven throwers (subject-related spam, only)

[Nippy]

Indeed my friend. Goblins are quite frail but let's not forget the value of grape shot. I might draw you to the attention of one particular use of Goblinoids in this way when Baron Jildren Kalrinratreyolafcrashdendoomsoon was besieged by a group of armoured gnomes who were suspiciously wrapped up like tin foil.

Having captured a contingent of goblins thrown over the wall of his castle he washed them in cold water in a big vat. he tipped them over the side and they held onto each other (through the fear of the situation, water the evil scoundrel!). They dropped down and a catyclismic eruption resulted when the goblins saw clean bodies in the armour. They resulted in cleanliness rage where goblins for once exhibited bravery.

Naturally, Kalrinratreyolafcrashdendoomson was given a favourable rating for good use of clean goblin.

[Vinin]

Oh no...

[Nippy]

What my friend? Don't disturb the military thinking with petty concerns, we have strategies to prepare!

[fable]

Originally posted by Curdis
[b]It should come as no surprise that dwarves have a long standing tradition of consentual usage, where is the historical evidence for say gnomes? A few anecdotes from sources such as 'Uncle Sratchy' are hardly scientific evidence./b]

It is indeed sad for me to see such palpably misinformed and benighted statements made by a colleague at this august symposium. Were the world a simpler place, I would take such obvious ignorance as a signal for my retirement, along with a couple of half-elven maids and a few bottles of fermented ritual juice. However, this cannot be; far too much is at stake, and the dissemination of accurate information, among the various peoples of the world who are interested in slaughtering one another--in other words, all of them--is paramount. I must set the record straight. Then, maybe, I'll attend to the maids.

Professor Curdis refers to "a few anecdotes from sources such as Uncle Sratchy (sic)." First, note the use of Sratchy for Scratchy. Curdis' scholarship isn't sufficient to perceive the difference between the noted mathematician and court astrologer, Sratchy Zoltan, a gnome of several dubious ideas and perfectly awful Hungarian puns, and Sir Oncla Scratchy-Smythe, Seelie Court physician and writer of several fine herbologies. This inability to distinguish the names, careers and works of two scholars in itself points to the unfortunate tendency of Curdis to scramble his informational sources, particularly after long nights spent as a delegate at this symposium's tavern. De gustibus is all well and good, but putting one's head under a bucket of cold water after a tough bout of disputation is better if you want your accuracy to be taken seriously.

The evidence for the value of gnome throwing in times of military conflict is both overwhelming and more than merely anecdotal. The indices of the Svarn'bluth Commune, for example, contain records over the 523 years of it existence detailing the rental of hundreds of gnomes per year for use in military expeditions. As there are no expenditures for footware (in contrast to other races accompanying the armies) and there are repeated entries for "gnome shooters" or more recently, "GPDVs--Ggnome Payload Delivery Vehicles," we may assume the gnomes in question were considered expendible ammunition. They were intended to fulfill a purpose on a giant launcher. After they managed that, they were expected to take their pay and find some way on their own of getting home.

Let us take a look at one such year. In 1177, the Svarn'bluth Commune, then engaged in a conflict with the Goblin forces of Sheikh Rottl-n-Rall, noted "354 gnomes serving at half a silver each, until shot." Twelve os these gnomes are referred to as "armor-piercing," which in this case refers to the pointed lead caps they were wearing. In 1178 the employment of 422 gnomes is noted, and in 1179, the climax of the conflict, that number grew to a staggering 618. At the same time, only a total of 33 dwarves were used during that entire period, and always as sappers. Dwarves were available, though: the ARU (Ammo R Us) division of the South Dwarven Free State and Lounge was leasing the service of dwarven ammo at an amount *no higher than that applied to gnomes,* which makes the economic argument (that dwarves were more expensive) preposterous. We must come to the inescapable conclusion: the Svan'bluth Commune regarded gnomes as superior ammunition at the time to dwarves, and acted accordingly.

I will return with more information confuting Professor Curdis' allegations in a short while. In the meantime, I invite comment from the more learned of our colleagues.

[Bloodstalker]

I would like to take the opportunity to raise the question on the morality and long term effectivness of Biological Warfare as it relates to Dwarven Throwing. There are records of engagemnets that show a single Dwarf, fed a steady diet of beans and grog, can have an astounding impact on the morale of enemy troops in the feild. In many cases, entire areas have been cleared simply by the resultant gastrinomic reactions.

One word f caution however, it is not recommened to use the Flaming Beard strategy in conjunction with Biological Warfare, unless the circumstances are dire indeed.

[Nippy]

You are too modest my esteemed colleague, you should be more forthright in your gnomish support.

Effective Mr Stalker, if crude...

[oki101]

By accident or not, a thrown dwarf hit this thread in the back and bumped it forward again.

Luckily the dwarf was not ignited at this time or the entire thread might have crashed and burned.

[Nightmare]

Was the dwarf drunk? If so, he'd better be drunk enough that he isn't in a blind rage, or he'll rip the thread apart.

And if he's sober, he'll do the same. I hope he's passed out.

[oki101]

Can`t you see he`s over there in that dump.

He has passed out because he diden`t have enough ale with him on the "flight" over here.

[RandomThug]

Who cares about the dwarfs current situation, its just a dwarf.

[oki101]

Nonono, it`s not the dwarf`s condition we`re thinking about.

It`s the thread

[RandomThug]

Ok ok ok. As long as no one is worried about the health of a scum.. I mean Dwarf.

[Scayde]

Hmmm...Doesn't the name of this thread imply that it is the dwarves who are doing the throwing?

And if that is the case, who are the Dwarves Tossing?

I mean, really, who would allow themselves to be tossed by a Dwarf ?

[Robnark]

Originally posted by Scayde
I mean, really, who would allow themselves to be tossed by a Dwarf ?

it can feel very lonely in those deep dark mines sometimes...

[Scayde]

Originally posted by Robnark
it can feel very lonely in those deep dark mines sometimes...

LOL....Ok, is this a confession