Dealing with the sexuality of kids (no spam please ;))

[ch85us2001]

Let me be, how you say . . . frank.

I'm 15, right in the selected age genre. I wish someone would just be forthright on the whole 'Is it wrong/against the rules to do it" discussion. I haven't neccasarily found someone that I trust in a way to share that kind of bond yet. But, when I do, it would be nice to have a comfortable, safe (and hopefully not on wheels ) environment to have that in. Yet, nobody seems to want to discuss that particular subject. I mean, it would be nice if someone would just sit down and say "Heres what I expect of you, heres what you should do." Instead, I have to infer what I am allowed and not allowed to do.

So, I am all for just kind of letting your boy "keep it out of sight, and out of mind". I wouldn't suggest openly condoning it, because I feel that is a little . . . wierd. But, if he brings girls into the home discreetly, and is safe in doing so, then if he is ready, why not (rhetorical)?

Not that I know to much about this subject, but I can give you a view of the kind of Demographic your trying to reach.

[CM]

I don't have any advice on this matter specifically as i come from a very different mind set. However something i would advise that i know you would is make sure you keep an eye on the types of girls he brings home. I have had many friends who were idiots and basically did stupid things because their girl asked them to or promised things.

At 14 peer pressure and sexual favors can greatly influence a kid. I am not slighting your son, as he appears to be a very smart kid. But kids can still be pressured into situations they don't want and at that age girls can have a very strong influence.

So watch out for the kind of girls he brings home and actively take steps to talk to him about the girl if you don't like her. Your gut instinct is damn good trust it when it comes to the girls he hangs out with. If need be take a very active interest (whe talking to your son) in girls you don't like.

[Patrick]

Hey DW I think personally, that It is better to wait but that never seems to e true to the nture of the world. I love kids but do not want any, if I could I would just encourage them with with love. Kids need to know the danger of others and the that they can coiside in others because they are very subsebtible to others. Waiting for the kid to figure it is OK with him is good but all that matters is that the parents love others, like you said. Love is very important to espress to to others who might light outside the famiy circile.
Best Wishs

[Magrus]

Wow, for once I agree with Fas on something he said regarding sex and women. Good points. Frankly, my first girlfriend was a money grubbing <expletive deleted>, and I was warned by my mother, father, step-father, and friends. She was cute though, and I thought I was in love, and I ignored them all until I realized it myself. Chances are if your son does find a girl that isn't good for him, and you tell him she isn't, he won't care what you say. However, I'd still find a way to point it out without seeming like a know-it-all, controlling parental unit. (Which, is terribly hard to do being a parent saying something that your child doesn't wish to hear. )

@ Chus, I thought you were older. So many things make so much more sense now! As far as wishing someone would inform you what is and is not ok, why not ask? I wouldn't be crude about it, that'll get you nowhere with most people, parents especially. However, being honest, and not giggling or smirking may get you a response that is mature and honest as well. It really is hard to get a straight out, honest, and respectful answer about a lot of topics from most adults when you are young however. Young doesn't mean stupid, it means inexperienced and learning.

[Nudge]

Originally Posted by Lestat

I think your son is a lucky bastard to have a great & sensible mother in this matter.
I agree with most but I'd set the ages slightly higher, 15 & 18 maybe. And education about certain matters (safe sex) from the onset of puberty.

I didn't have sex until later, but I got the "talk" early on and I felt like my parents respected me enough to fill me on on the details early. The honest knowledge helped me wait.

[Moonbiter]

Hmmmm. First, like CM, I hail from a pretty different mindset, and a day and age when things weren't quite as convoluted and muddied as they are now. I was born a typical 67-68 child, with all the pros and cons that free-thinking/radical generation brought on to their children. Hence, I was never given "the talk" but got advice along the way as soon as I started showing any interest in sex as such. I lost my virginity at the age of 14(on my birthday), as did most of my friends both male and female. It was a natural average for my generation. An interesting point is that my younger brother and his generation was aged 17-18 before they started "doing it." The average even reached 19-20 for a short period of time, before certain factors came along to lower it drastically again. My mind is still not made up regarding how old/young one should be, but I think 16 is a pretty good age for a boy, provided he has an understanding of what he's doing.
Which brings us to the present day, and a completely different can of worms to open. As far as I know you (Wench) live in Canada, and I have no clue as to how far that country has come regarding sex ed. and general knowledge. All I know is that when I first went to America, it was a complete non-topic despite being one of the most sexually charged societies I've ever encountered. I'm not getting into the why's and how's of that, but because of my rather liberated Scandinavian upbringing I felt like being in a monastery.
With the arrival of the internet and free access to porn, much of the innocence of sexual exploration has been taken away for good, and the questions bumping around in the minds of the hormonally challenged have become quite different. I do volunteer work for a teenage sex-advice hotline run by the Department of Health a couple of times each month, and the problems and stories I'm presented with boggles the mind.
My advice to you would be to be a pal, and try to inject the feeling of friendship, equality and quite a bit of humour into it. You're a woman, so a good suggestion would be to take it from there, and explain to your son the basic sexual motivation/preferences of women/girls that he won't get from the mind-numbing sexual overdrive of the current "information age."

[slade]

Originally Posted by Lestat

I think your son is a lucky bastard to have a great & sensible mother in this matter.
I agree with most but I'd set the ages slightly higher, 15 & 18 maybe. And education about certain matters (safe sex) from the onset of puberty.

I agree with Lestat he is a lucky b-.......kid ....well, given that their both mature and understand the full responsibility with what they do and accept any consequences that arise from said actions I think 16 is a reasonable age. I would say 18 but if you restrict kids so much they'll just go ahead and not listen to you and do something stupid because you locked them up and didnt allow them to do anything...so 16 would be ok.....though Im no parent so this is just my opinion and not my experience

[Maharlika]

In addition, there's more to it than releasing urges and your proverbial "curiosity."

Another thing to consider is how your son would behave and see things AFTER he has done it. Of course, one would never know, but at least have your child prepare himself (see Magrus' post) and give him the appropriate heads up when dealing these things on an emotional level as well.

Personally, I think 18.

[Kalashnikova]

I'm back!

I decided to visit this thread,since upon coming here, I was thinking of just the same thing.

First of all, I believe that you are right in letting him explore his sexuality in his early teen years. However, always remember that he will be, to quote the others: "At a vulnerable time", where he may become frustrated and choose the WRONG partner. With that in mind, consider the risk of the awful...STD!!!

I believe you can forget about what he is doing, but NOT forget WHO he is "doing it" with, so keep a close eye on his RELATIONSHIPS, talk to him about different kinds of birth control, and lastly, the mistakes he could make and the STD's he could contract.

There's my 3.5 cents.

tootles.