Dating 101

[dragon wench]

Recently I came upon my SO clad only in his socks while he was changing, and I was struck by how silly both men and women look if they are stark naked save for their feet
Now, we have been together a long time, so things like this are a non-issue, but it did lead me to my present thread idea.
Basically, the concept is to list the 'dos and don'ts' of the initial phase of a relationship, or even just things to avoid/enthusiastically embrace if it is simply a casual fling or single encounter.
Note: Posts can be humorous or more serious.

To begin:

*When starting to become intimate, remember, the socks should always be removed first.

*Do not tell your date that they remind of your sister/brother, father/mother or a cousin, unless you live somewhere like Kentucky where it is likely considered a compliment ( )

*Unless you are sure somebody shares your "hobbies" do not leave fetishistic toys scattered around your home if you plan on inviting the person in later.

*Men, do not wear more socks than required by any other normal occasion, women do notice such discrepancies. Equally, women, do not wear padded bras or misuse Kleenex, the same principle applies.


More?

[kathycf]

DO consider it necessary to chew with your mouth closed when eating dinner with the new romance.

DON'T monopolize the conversation with horror stories about your last boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse...your date is apt to find you both sad and boring, as well as a bit obsessed.


Hmm... *goes off to think of more*

[dragon wench]

DO consider it necessary to chew with your mouth closed when eating dinner with the new romance.

*Do not order a meal such as spaghetti unless your date likes to eat with the same passioned abandonment that you do


*Unless you wish to impress your date by powering your vehicle with an "alternate energy" source, do not consume beer, cabbage, pickled eggs, beans, onions or any combination thereof.

*Do not provide your date with an extensive litany of every health complaint you have ever experienced. Save conversations like this for that period in your life when you are wise and venerable and entertaining dates in a senior's home.

*If you have to itch (especially if it is in a more "personal" region of your body), excuse yourself and find somewhere more private to scratch.

[Tricky]

It just struck me that I know nothing about dating. I had a friend, fell in love, had a relationship. We didn't go out any more afterwards than we did before. Does prior friendship make dating obsolete?

That was special though, it's not likely to get hit by that type of lightning again. I think I am in trouble.

[dragon wench]

Originally Posted by Tricky

It just struck me that I know nothing about dating. I had a friend, fell in love, had a relationship. We didn't go out any more afterwards than we did before. Does prior friendship make dating obsolete?

That was special though, it's not likely to get hit by that type of lightning again. I think I am in trouble.

To be honest, I've rarely "dated" myself. I've just ended up becoming close to different friends and sometimes (not very often) I've fallen in love.
Or, I've been hanging out somewhere, met somebody, and one thing has led to another, and that isn't exactly dating either.

But, I have dated a few times... and the experiences have been.... "interesting."

[Tricky]

How about naming a couple of do's instead of don't's, DW? You're scaring me.

[kathycf]

Dating can be fun or the most horrendous experience. I tend to lean toward horrendous, but I am pretty cynical.

I think I was expecting something a bit different when I read the title of this tip:

Dont keep him tied up! by ~*Christy*~


Dont keep him tied up!, Let him have other friends besides you. Even if they are girls, you just have to trust him.
Oh, ok yeah. Whatever. *yawn*

[dragon wench]

Dont keep him tied up!

Why ever not? I could see that as a distinct advantage, personally

@Tricky,



Actually, one of my more irritating dating encounters was something set up by a friend. She felt that I would get along well with a guy she knew just because we were both vegetarians (which I was at the time).

I ended up suggesting to the prospective date that we meet at a restaurant I knew of that served reasonably priced good food and was cozy and casual, but spared diners the horrifying intimacy of candlelight. It also catered to a wide variety of tastes, vegetarian, and not.

Well, the guy showed up and turned out to be a PETA devotee. He spent most of the time lecturing endlessly on the horrors of meat while making disparaging comments about what the people around us were eating.
Finally, after listening to him drone on, I told him that I felt diet was a personal decision, and that in my view PETA were akin to a cult of religious zeolots.
Oddly enough... he kept calling back...

[Cuchulain82]

Originally Posted by Tricky

How about naming a couple of do's instead of don't's, DW? You're scaring me.

I can chime in with a few do's, specifically for a guy:

-Shave, shower, bathe, etc. Trim your hair. Look and be hygenic.
-Get exercise. Seriously. It will make you more attractive and will make you feel better. This can be anything from yardwork to (my favorite) a kickboxing session. Whatever.
-Compliment the other.
-Buy flowers. They really work because they are considerate.
-Have manners. You don't have to be able to dine with the queen, but knowing enough to open a door for her and not to blow your nose at the table will go a long way.
-Smile.
-Don't eat excessive garlic, onions, or anything else that will make you smelly, make you pass gas, or have bad breath.
-Be honest. If you love playing BG II, then don't avoid saying so. Maybe this girl isn't your dreamgirl, but if she is then she deserves to know you've got a thing for Jaheira (or maybe Viconia, you dirrrty boy! )
-Read. A novel now and then is good. Short stories are fun... anything to make you think a bit.
-Be good at something. If you're good at something and passionate, it will come through. For me it's challenging myself. Maybe for you it's cooking, or painting, or repairing a house, or reading that complete edition of Dickens (gag)... whatever. Get good at something you love (not videogames- everyone here is already good at them or we wouldn't be here. Let's think bigger).
-Look out for her and your friends. Being considerate makes a good impression (because it's the right thing to do)
-If you just want to hook up with a girl, the following abilities never seem to hurt: Dancing, playing the guitar, being witty/very charming, or being shockingly good looking.

Here's a few more don'ts. Don't:

-Get drunk and be annoying.
-Hit on her sister, mother, friend, or other girl (at least, not at first )
-Try to dominate
-Take all her free time
-Do the other assorted creepy things that people sometimes do (As in "I spent 15 hours baking this cake for you- it has your likeness in an M&M mosiac" or somesuch.)

There's gotta be more... this is just off the top of my head.

Edit: You know, I look very not-too-bad in a pair of socks DW, just a rose clenched between my teeth... okay, maybe not. Actually, I'm giggling just thinking how ridiculous I'd look.

If anyone ever needs to know how ridiculous socks can make a guy look, just think of the stereotypical european tourist at the beach, wearing a speedo and black socks with shoes. A fashion nightmare.

[Claudius]

Be yourself.
If its not meant to be then just get to know a fellow human.
Be considerate and intend to be pleasant.
Your self image comes from you and not what others think of you.

the end

[dragon wench]

@Cuch,
well put! Most of the women I know respond very positively to all of that

*snicker* The thought of any guy stark naked with just socks and a rose between his teeth makes me burst into giggles

A "do" from me for once ( a more serious one this time)
*Do turn off your cell phone. I guarantee that anyone you are with will be extremely angry and upset if you spend half of your date answering phone calls.

[Cuchulain82]

Originally Posted by dragon wench

@Cuch,
well put! Most of the women I know respond very positively to all of that

Most of it is basic, considerate stuff. I learned a lot of it the hard way, but I think that is probably true of any good dating advice.

Originally Posted by dragon wench

*snicker* The thought of any guy stark naked with just socks and a rose between his teeth makes me burst into giggles

Pretty silly, right? For some reason, the socks make it exponentially more ridiculous. I'm laughing again as I type this.

Originally Posted by dragon wench

A "do" from me for once ( a more serious one this time)
*Do turn off your cell phone. I guarantee that anyone you are with will be extremely angry and upset if you spend half of your date answering phone calls.

Fact! This is doubly true for Blackberries, trios, or other assorted text/e-mail devices. They suck the life out of a date with amazing efficiency.

Originally Posted by Claudius

Be yourself.
If its not meant to be then just get to know a fellow human.
Be considerate and intend to be pleasant.
Your self image comes from you and not what others think of you.

While this is all at least partially true, dating is a lot about the nitty-gritty. Wearing a clean shirt may seem obvious, but the details are key.

One more big Do:

-HAVE A PLAN! This is huge! Once you finally get a date or some sort of rendezvous, have something to do. Coffee, drinks, a movie, dinner, walk in the park, hike, trip to X place for that amazing view... whatever. Just don't ever have the following conversation:

You: "So, uh, whatta you wanna do?"
Other: "Oh, I don't know... what do you have in mind?"
You: "Ummmm... *awkward slience*"

That conversation is all too often a death knell announcing the passing of any potential the date had.

[Tricky]

That was interesting, Cuchulain82. You make me feel like a very inexperienced 81er. The truth of the matter is that I don't think I'll be able to 'date' anyone. I desire love, but to quench that need right now would be gratifying a superficial desire mostly. I don't think I'm the type to learn how to love, or play the dating roulette. To do that wouldn't.. be real to me? Because the mind has a way of determining 'what worked in the past' on its own, and uses it as a reference model or something.

When that need is gone maybe, and I can be fair about women. Yeah, I'm not making much sense on this side of the screen either. I'm thinking I'm the type women should avoid. I'd be in it for myself, so I am probably bad news.

[DesR85]

I've never gone on a date before but I did remember a certain advice I've heard from a friend of mine. Improve yourself first. That is the most important step in dating.

[Cuchulain82]

Originally Posted by Tricky

The truth of the matter is that I don't think I'll be able to 'date' anyone. I desire love, but to quench that need right now would be gratifying a superficial desire mostly. I don't think I'm the type to learn how to love, or play the dating roulette. To do that wouldn't.. be real to me? Because the mind has a way of determining 'what worked in the past' on its own, and uses it as a reference model or something.

I think you're sellign yourself short. The big trick to dating is.... there is no big trick! Seriously- there's a girl out there for everyone, no matter how particular or individual you may be. Dating isn't a mysterious science, it is more about trial and error. If you meet someone or see someone you find attractive, then introduce yourself. Start with that. Don't have any big expectations, and if you make an ass of yourself then... well... you've made an ass of yourself! Maybe she'll laugh because it's funny, or maybe she'll walk away, but no matter what you're still going to be your own person at the end of the day.

Part of this is about confidence, I guess. You do have to be willing to introduce yourself. Avoid doing this in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable- for example, if you don't like bars, don't start going out and introducing yourself to girls at bars. You'll be uncomfortable in your surroundings and that will show. All the girls I've had successful relationships with I've met by being in the same place over time- at the gym, in a classroom, at my school, etc.

Originally Posted by Tricky

When that need is gone maybe, and I can be fair about women. Yeah, I'm not making much sense on this side of the screen either. I'm thinking I'm the type women should avoid. I'd be in it for myself, so I am probably bad news.

I can only speak from my experience, but thinking of love as capital-L, Platonic, pie-in-the-sky LOVE is setting a pretty high bar. If you walk around looking to meet that person that will complete your soul you will be disappointed. Your goal should be to meet someone who you find attractive and see what happens. If they like you and you can relate to each other, things will progress. But expecting too much will be creepy, or opressive, or just a turnoff.

One more thing- don't feel bad "being in it" for yourself. Everyone is in it for themselves at some level or another. Women want to meet men for the same reason men want to meet women*- because it makes them feel good! It makes you feel good in different ways- sexually, emotionally, intellectually... there's probably tons more- but it isn't some colossal mystery why people get together. So, take a shower, go to the gym or for a run, wear a clean shirt, open the door for a lady, and introduce yourself to that girl in your english class that you've had your eye on for a while. You never know what might happen.

(And, don't worry- if you get shot down, everyone here will still love you. Especially DW )




*Please forgive sexual stereotypes. Homosexual people are included in this, but typing out all the different hetero and homo sexual permutations is cumbersome.