Children + Heavy Metal = Good combination?? (No Spam)

[laditricsie]

Originally Posted by Kipi

Well, if we gou that direction, then we should start from Spice Girls

Hang 'em all!! Just kidding but really I do think that as parents we hold the responsibility for whatever goes into our children's heads. They watch what we watch, listen to what we listen to, do what we do. I agree that we should teach them where to draw the line as far as acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior. However, when they are still at an age where we are having to remind them to brush their teeth and we are still cooking their food for them, I think we need to keep the focus on the basics. My son is 9 years old and does schoolwork at least 2 years ahead of the grade level he is in (4 years in 3 subjects!). I have to be extremely careful with him because he has an understanding level that is way ahead of his emotional maturity (which is also too far ahead for my comfort). I try not to limit him but I have to be incredibly careful with him. He came home from a friend's house not too long ago asking me about some music that he heard while there. I knew the band and lyrics (I listen to them) but the message was loud and clear and rather violent. It bothered him because he is rather soft-hearted and I had to explain to him that there are differences in people, the way they believe and if he didn't agree with the lyrics, he didn't have to listen. He told me how his friend turned into a person that he didn't understand becoming more agitated and angry as the music continued to blare. That was when he decided to call me to come and get him. I told him he made the right choice and that I was proud of him. I am still worried though. Not with his decision-making skills but whether I am succeeding at being a parent or not. Like I said, I don't want to limit him but I think this is something that he needs to discover on his own in his own time. This is not easy as a single parent!!

[dragon wench]

@laditricsie,
first of all, welcome to SYM!

Since parenting is such a hard job anyway, why should we make it harder on ourselves by letting them listen to things that will only confuse them? Oh, and hang Britney Spears and Christina Aguillera for what they have done to the little girls' clothing industry!

I am a parent too, my son is 11.
While I understand what you mean, I tend to find that laying down hard "Thou shalt not" rules generally has an effect that is precisely opposite of what is intended. In other words...tell a child that they expressly can't do something, and chances are they'll exert everything in their power to do it. This doesn't mean I'm a lax parent, or that we don't have rules we expect our son to follow. But, with issues like this, much like violence and so on in games or on TV, we prefer a guided approach. Also, I believe that too much sheltering of kids can have negative consequences. For example, we allow him to watch Law and Order: SVU (special victims unit), because we believe it is, in fact, healthy for him to be aware of issues like rape and pedophilia. And, we tell him very explicitly that this *is* the real world, that in this case the fact it is on TV does not mean it is fantasy or something that could never happen in actuality.
And, so far... the approach seems to be working out. Last weekend we were in a music store with him, and his selection was very age appropriate. He also spent a lot of time denigrating a rap singer (can't recall the name) who employs a lot of sexually explicit and violent content.

But, everyone has different ideas on parenting, so this is pretty subjective stuff.

I completely agree with you regarding the clothing industry..... This is one reason I'm pleased I have a boy.

[laditricsie]

Originally Posted by dragon wench

@laditricsie,
first of all, welcome to SYM!
I am a parent too, my son is 11.
While I understand what you mean, I tend to find that laying down hard "Thou shalt not" rules generally has an effect that is precisely opposite of what is intended. In other words...tell a child that they expressly can't do something, and chances are that they'll exert everything in their power to do it. This doesn't mean I'm a lax parent, or that we don't have rules we expect our son to follow. But, with issues like this, much like violence and so on in games or on TV, we prefer a guided approach. Also, I believe that too much sheltering of kids can have negative consequences. For example, we allow him to watch Law and Order: SVU (special victims unit), because we believe it is, in fact, healthy for him to be aware of issues like rape and pedophilia. And, we tell him very explicitly that this *is* the real world, that in this case the fact it is on TV does not mean it is fantasy or something that could never happen in actuality.
And, so far... the approach seems to be working out. Last weekend we were in a music store with him, and his selection was very age appropriate. He also spent a lot of time denigrating a rap singer (can't recall the name) who employs a lot of sexually explicit and violent content.

But, everyone has different ideas on parenting, so this is pretty subjective stuff.

I completely agree with you regarding the clothing industry..... This is one reason I'm pleased I have a boy.

First, Thank you for the welcome!
Second, it's not that I expressly forbid him to do these things. I quietly omit them from his life before it becomes a discussion. I don't want to be the one to introduce it to him but at the same time he knows that it is perfectly ok for him to come to me with any questions and he does, even ones that he thinks will get him in trouble! We watch CSI and a few other things together (I adore "House") and he understands that while the show itself is fantasy the content is based off of real life happenings. He is fine with this and he even learned something from CSI about an issue that I deal with on a daily basis. I have anaphylactic reaction to wheat so I have to be very careful and read everything I eat (he helps with that). He also informs the wait staff at various restaurants as to my allergy and intensely questions them about what they have in their recipes (embarrassing, but cute and kind of funny!). What he learned though was that while this can be deadly for me it can also be controlled through vigilance. But it scared him at first with the way they did the graphic images of how someone dies of anaphylaxis. He and his daddy didn't understand the way it worked. Even now they only have a basic knowledge of the mechanics but I carefully shelter both of them from the true knowledge of what it is that I go through when I am not as careful as I should have been. I don't shelter my son from much (can't since we are military and he sees too much anyway) but I do try to let him be a kid.
Third, I am thrilled beyond belief that I have a boy as well! I work at the local high school and am shocked at what I see is being labeled "acceptable".