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03-21-2004, 08:57 AM
|  | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,511
| | | Cat jobs
This really isn't a revolutionary thought. I mean, if somebody lives with you their entire life, and you feed them, hug them, and call them stupidly endearing names, then it only seems reasonable to expect that at some point they will add to the cashflow. But somehow, cats have escaped that equation. They do pretty much what they want, when they want to, and if you don't like it, they look at you as though you were talking to them in a foreign language. Of course, they understand well enough when it suits them. They've just moved up to a level on the evolutionary scale beyond humans, where it's possible to fake incomprehensibility and get away with it all the time.
Well, I'd like to call a halt to it all. It's time that we organized ourselves, and put some discipline in our cats' lives! As of now, I'm taking recommendations for jobs that cats can get, so they can earn a little cash *for us,* the people who always support them. Perhaps down the road we can also discuss setting up cat-supported retirement funds for humans, but for now, I think we'll stick with employment. Do you have any ideas along these lines? State them, here! 
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
03-21-2004, 10:16 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | | Re: Cat jobs
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03-21-2004, 10:18 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: liberally sprinkled in the film's opening scene
Posts: 4,499
| | | Put the whole charm of cats is their superiority... I would just lose all respect for my cat if he comes down to my level and actually works.
__________________ Vicsun, I certainly agree with your assertion that you are an unpleasant person. ~Chanak  |
03-21-2004, 10:20 AM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,511
| | | No, no, no, Aegis! That's only a one-time event, not a source of regular revenue! And the cat doesn't really have a job, either. Come on, now: we have to do better than that.
I'd like to suggest cat politicians. They'll promise nothing, deliver nothing, and spend funds on cat toys and food. They'll never be too busy to see you, while they're being entertained at an expensive luncheon by some well-heeled lobbying group. They'll sleep around, but they won't bother hiding the fact. They won't make any inane speeches, or advocate invading anybody.
What's not to like?
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
03-21-2004, 01:20 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Leiden
Posts: 526
| | | I know a great use for cats in re-enactment: soak them in oil, let them walk over to the enemy lines en shoot them with a burning arrow.
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03-21-2004, 01:37 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 2,106
| | Quote: Originally posted by Malta Soron
I know a great use for cats in re-enactment: soak them in oil, let them walk over to the enemy lines en shoot them with a burning arrow. | No, that's yet another one-time deal. You can soak their claws in arsenicum though, and send them into the enemies camp. Just imagine sending them into Bin Laden's hide-out: "By my beard! This infidel cat just scratched my - urrkh - "
Alternately they can easily replace the people working at the post-office. Helping you whenever they feel like it, look at you with that indifferent yet haughty expression on their face even if they lose that really important package which contains that donorheart.
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03-21-2004, 03:01 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: liberally sprinkled in the film's opening scene
Posts: 4,499
| | | On a more serious note, I'm pretty sure cats were used in ancient Egypt as guardians of the royal hoard. Siamese cats in particular.
__________________ Vicsun, I certainly agree with your assertion that you are an unpleasant person. ~Chanak |
03-21-2004, 03:19 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | Quote: Originally posted by Vicsun
On a more serious note, I'm pretty sure cats were used in ancient Egypt as guardians of the royal hoard. Siamese cats in particular. | Yeah. That's probably where their current haughtyness came from. They were treated like royalty in Egypt  I don't think they want to adjust to the times...
I'm all for Malta's idea  |
03-21-2004, 04:48 PM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,511
| | Quote: Originally posted by Vicsun
On a more serious note, I'm pretty sure cats were used in ancient Egypt as guardians of the royal hoard. Siamese cats in particular. | Cats were in fact domesticated in Egypt, as a method of dealing with the greatest threat to the economy: mice. The Egyptians recorded their earlier, unsuccessful experiements with the mongoose, and their great elation when cats not only proved to be fantastic mousers in granaries, but amenable to catching mice in homes, and friendly to the entire family.
The Siamese breed was developed later, actually as protector of the treasury. They are an extremely intelligent, somewhat neurotic breed, with oversized paws, great speed, and phenomenal ability to see in the dark.
But we're getting far too serious, here. What about cat caterers? Cat lawncare? Cat hairdressers?
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
03-21-2004, 05:24 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gamebanshee Asylum
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03-21-2004, 05:28 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,431
| | I'm sensing a lot of anger towards Cats... |
03-21-2004, 05:43 PM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,511
| | Quote: Originally posted by Aegis
I'm sensing a lot of anger towards Cats... | It may have to do with the Hell That Is Our Current Livingroom Furniture, thanks to one particular cat of ours. We are willing to rent him out as a demolitions expert non pareil.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
03-21-2004, 06:57 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 18,211
| | @Fable,
we were having that problem with one of our cats and we ended up buying one of those catnip-infused cardboard scratching boards that you just lay on the floor. We were actually shocked because it has stopped the problem entirely! 
*grin* having recently lost and found our little calico I suppose I'm not feeling overly violent towards my felines at the moment 
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03-21-2004, 07:03 PM
| | Super Moderator | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: The sun, the moon, and the stars.
Posts: 28,511
| | Quote: Originally posted by dragon wench
@Fable,
we were having that problem with one of our cats and we ended up buying one of those catnip-infused cardboard scratching boards that you just lay on the floor. We were actually shocked because it has stopped the problem entirely!
| We have those boards, too. He uses them when he feels like it, and the furniture when we're not around and he feels like it.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. |
03-21-2004, 07:06 PM
| | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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| | Quote: Originally posted by fable
We have those boards, too. He uses them when he feels like it, and the furniture when we're not around and he feels like it. | Damn cats... It could be worse though.. one of ours has that attitude towards using the litter box
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