"But seriously, folks..." (PLEASE READ VERY CAREFULLY)

[Macleod1701]

Go to a pub, get drunk, be out of control, go get a whore to have your way with then go get a nice big fat greasy curry! that'll sort ya out in no time mate!

[Brynn]

*sigh*

[Macleod1701]

What? Sounded like a great idea to me!

[Maharlika]

... in light of the recent posts and given the context of the discussion, I think that your kind of opinion is sort of off-key.

[Macleod1701]

Yeah well I find it hard to relate to people who find it hard to relate to people.

[Maharlika]

Originally Posted by Macleod1701

Yeah well I find it hard to relate to people who find it hard to relate to people.

...then your opinion is not warranted in this particular thread.

[Macleod1701]

Then don't pay attention to it...duh

[Maharlika]

Then don't pay attention to it...duh

...better check the forum rules, and in case you haven't noticed, I happen to be a moderator of this particular forum, therefore the need to pay attention to posts like this one.

If you got a problem with this, you are free to pm Buck himself or the other mods: Xandax and T'lainya.

Have a nice day.

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Originally Posted by Brynn

What I'm trying to say is that there should be people around you who accept you the way you are (which is abolsutely OK, imho, even if you're more serious than others).

That is likely the case. It's just that not many have made that clear.

[jopperm2]

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I don't have any problems interacting with you, and I actually like reading your stuff. Of course this is a different sort of thing than irl, but for what it's worth, you know the drill..

Also, I used to have very similar problems where certain things never really felt right. I don't have those anymore though, so I think mine was realted to certain prescription drugs that I was on at the time. I know that feeling though for sure, and it's hard to deal with sometimes..

[Magrus]

Well, for myself, I hate small talk and unless I am in an absolutely wonderful and bubbly mood which happens to be extremely rare, or so wasted I can no longer walk, small talk doesn't happen. I don't like big parties myself, I simply find that large groups of people are too much for me and I get irritated, which if I end up being bothered leads to aggression on my part. I prefer small groups or one on one conversation. I have no problem most of the time sharing whats on my mind, even things that aren't truly appropriate in public. I'm not shy or anything, I just truly prefer making more use of my time in a social interaction than spouting worthless topics with strangers. I usually end up singling out someone at a party and talking with them for a long time and getting some sort of common ground and discussing it for an hour, or even a few. Occasionally, this conversation draws other people around us into our conversation and thus, I become the center of attention along with the person I am talking with. Whether it's a serious conversation or just something the two of us both find interesting, it doesn't matter. I end up making some very good friends this way, and a good number of people to hang out with in different social circles.

It seems as though you have the potential to do things socially, but your problem holds you back, which happens to be many of my friends situations, the only one I can relate your situation to well though, is my autistic cousin. In high school, a lot of the guys couldn't stand him, but the girls liked him for the fact he was downright honest and extremely friendly and helpful. Problems occurred though, when for example, he started touching a really nice shirt which a cheerleader happened to be wearing whom he was friendly with and saying it was a "pretty shirt" and that she was "beautiful" in front of her boyfriend, who ended up chasing him away and hitting him until his girlfriend calmed him down. He simply wasn't able to realize that in a situation in public, touching a girl wouldn't piss off her boyfriend. He cannot for the life of him grasp when it is a person wishes to end a discussion with him, so he ends up using the subtle reminders they give him that the discussion is over and turning them into topics of conversation. Being blunt with him is necessary, but if not dealt with properly it can be very hurtful to him since he just can't grasp certain topics.

I know I prefer people being straight up and honest to me, it leads to not having to make guesses and assumptions. Unfortunately, most people don't act like this and I still have to.

My suggestion would be to analyze your actions, as stated above, and ask your friends around you for any input they have on your situation. Generally, everyone has little things they do that bother others, no matter how well they do in social situations. See if they could point out the things you do that seem to put them off, make a list, and see where your faults truly are. If it happens to seem like you do certain things more often with specific people, try finding out why that might be. You can then, if not reason out exactly what to do, at least use trial and error to alter things. Let your friends know you intend on trying to improve yourself. I mean friends, someone you can trust with this admission, not someone you simply hang out with occasionally. It's rare those types of relationships end up deep enough to warrant such an interaction.

Just like you would make a list of work to do at a job or school, use that list, make a goal to work on one or two of the items on it a week, and when you have succeeded with those, move on. Moral support and honesty from a few people who know of whats going on, to nudge you in the right direction will most likely do much more than heading out to a professional, as they will just run up a bill and probably send you out to do something similar. You know you best, and if anyone will figure out how to fix it, it's going to have to be you that figures out whether it works for you.

One other thing, confidence shows. If you are comfortable with yourself, and how you are, and act on that, people take notice. I'm comfortable amusing myself at a party, if people comment on it, I make a joke about it and they either leave me alone or come talk to me. Becoming defensive or frustrated by events is a sure way to wall off others around you who don't know you. Some people DO find alcohol highly useful in an attempt loosen up, if that happens to something you think is worthwhile, I'd suggest at least a try with moderation once your able to. A friend of mine simply would not talk to anyone unless he was drunk, it took him 8 months to first work up the nerve to speak to me when we first met. He won't shut up around me now, but around others, he's still extremely shy. That works for him, but thats just him. I wouldn't suggest that as a crutch to go on though. Back to the confidence though, people can tell when your nervous or embarrassed, and people either ignore you or pounce on that and use it to amuse themselves unfortunately in most cases. Your going to want to find a way to make yourself feel relaxed and comfortable in the situations you put yourself in to help you with interacting.

Hope that helps

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Originally Posted by Magrus

Well, for myself, I hate small talk and unless I am in an absolutely wonderful and bubbly mood which happens to be extremely rare, or so wasted I can no longer walk, small talk doesn't happen. I don't like big parties myself, I simply find that large groups of people are too much for me and I get irritated, which if I end up being bothered leads to aggression on my part. I prefer small groups or one on one conversation. I have no problem most of the time sharing whats on my mind, even things that aren't truly appropriate in public. I'm not shy or anything, I just truly prefer making more use of my time in a social interaction than spouting worthless topics with strangers. I usually end up singling out someone at a party and talking with them for a long time and getting some sort of common ground and discussing it for an hour, or even a few. Occasionally, this conversation draws other people around us into our conversation and thus, I become the center of attention along with the person I am talking with. Whether it's a serious conversation or just something the two of us both find interesting, it doesn't matter. I end up making some very good friends this way, and a good number of people to hang out with in different social circles.

Yeah, that's similar to my case, although I only seem to get small talk, and not that many good long conversations. It seems pretty often as if people care, but not enough to carry things on. Definitely burns me up.

It seems as though you have the potential to do things socially, but your problem holds you back, which happens to be many of my friends situations, the only one I can relate your situation to well though, is my autistic cousin. In high school, a lot of the guys couldn't stand him, but the girls liked him for the fact he was downright honest and extremely friendly and helpful. Problems occurred though, when for example, he started touching a really nice shirt which a cheerleader happened to be wearing whom he was friendly with and saying it was a "pretty shirt" and that she was "beautiful" in front of her boyfriend, who ended up chasing him away and hitting him until his girlfriend calmed him down. He simply wasn't able to realize that in a situation in public, touching a girl wouldn't piss off her boyfriend. He cannot for the life of him grasp when it is a person wishes to end a discussion with him, so he ends up using the subtle reminders they give him that the discussion is over and turning them into topics of conversation. Being blunt with him is necessary, but if not dealt with properly it can be very hurtful to him since he just can't grasp certain topics.

Ouch. Definitely been there before. Got harrassed back by one back for accidentally kissing his g/f on the cheek (which I thought wasn't that extreme back then). EVERYONE who wasn't really a friend jumped up and down over that. I got harrassed CONSTANTLY for that, and the school didn't touch them! (I'm just glad that was my junior year for high school).

I know I prefer people being straight up and honest to me, it leads to not having to make guesses and assumptions. Unfortunately, most people don't act like this and I still have to.

Yep. What's to be done, though? Make them know?

I'm a might afraid to light a fuse on an explosive situation.

My suggestion would be to analyze your actions, as stated above, and ask your friends around you for any input they have on your situation. Generally, everyone has little things they do that bother others, no matter how well they do in social situations. See if they could point out the things you do that seem to put them off, make a list, and see where your faults truly are. If it happens to seem like you do certain things more often with specific people, try finding out why that might be. You can then, if not reason out exactly what to do, at least use trial and error to alter things. Let your friends know you intend on trying to improve yourself. I mean friends, someone you can trust with this admission, not someone you simply hang out with occasionally. It's rare those types of relationships end up deep enough to warrant such an interaction.

Just like you would make a list of work to do at a job or school, use that list, make a goal to work on one or two of the items on it a week, and when you have succeeded with those, move on. Moral support and honesty from a few people who know of whats going on, to nudge you in the right direction will most likely do much more than heading out to a professional, as they will just run up a bill and probably send you out to do something similar. You know you best, and if anyone will figure out how to fix it, it's going to have to be you that figures out whether it works for you.

May take time, but it's able to be done. Makes me think of the support group I had in high school that helped me reach as far as I did socially and academically. Now, I just got to figure which among my friends may be the best to give me the support and honesty.

One other thing, confidence shows. If you are comfortable with yourself, and how you are, and act on that, people take notice. I'm comfortable amusing myself at a party, if people comment on it, I make a joke about it and they either leave me alone or come talk to me. Becoming defensive or frustrated by events is a sure way to wall off others around you who don't know you. Some people DO find alcohol highly useful in an attempt loosen up, if that happens to something you think is worthwhile, I'd suggest at least a try with moderation once your able to. A friend of mine simply would not talk to anyone unless he was drunk, it took him 8 months to first work up the nerve to speak to me when we first met. He won't shut up around me now, but around others, he's still extremely shy. That works for him, but thats just him. I wouldn't suggest that as a crutch to go on though. Back to the confidence though, people can tell when your nervous or embarrassed, and people either ignore you or pounce on that and use it to amuse themselves unfortunately in most cases. Your going to want to find a way to make yourself feel relaxed and comfortable in the situations you put yourself in to help you with interacting.

Yeah, that would make sense. Then again, I have been gaining quite a bit of confidence with talking au credit du college & my job. For me, high school was almost a conversation death trap; if I didn't watch my words in some cases, BAM! Someone screams out for help or cries wolf and I'm in trouble. The past leaves scars for everyone, no?

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Well, as of lately, I've been finding that I have more friends (or encounters with real friendly people) than I ever realized.

As we all know, they have their lives, and I (pretty much) have mine.

1) I've also found that even if I may not get the point, what I say tends to convince people alot anyways, which leads to an accidental case of misleading people's thoughts and perceptions. How I could translate this into simpler English, I'd love to know.

In short, my perspective may have its faults, particularly my translation of what I experience. Sure, we all have our way about this, but I'm guessing mine is on a completely different level, whether it's for better or worse is undetermined (and probably can't be). Still, the fact that I can convince people of my perspective when it may not completely be the truth of the matter is disturbing.

2) However, I do value second opinions, particularly to level-out the playing field and clean the lense from which I view the world. I highly encourage people to give their takes on what I've experienced, hence this entire thread was spawned.

I'll state some recollections later, particularly since my brother's going to shut down all the computers in the house install the new internet router that he got my mom for Christmas.

[jopperm2]

I'm glad you seem to be having a better time of things. I hope things only get better from here.

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

In short, you're a typical dwarf character-wise, as your username suggests. Apologies for the oversimplification, but it may help to think about it like that. Of course, it may not, so use your own judgement.
Nonetheless... Low sense of humor: check. Not very outgoing: check. etc. etc. Dwarves, to use my analogy du jour, are steadfast, loyal and have lots of good qualities (like making good distractions while you pick off orcs with arrows...hehehe), but don't know how to show it to others very well.
Being more 'elf-like' by nature myself, I can't offer a lot of advice, but here goes.

I have ADD, also a learning disability, which also makes (or made, like you I worked long and hard on it) social interaction difficult at times. I too got Columbine-esque accusations, ironic really since I dislike guns intensely, but when you're 'weird' that's what sometimes happens. Luckily the accusation got me out of part of a swimming carnival. The point is, while it's not as difficult for me as for you (no stutter), I can sort of understand where you're coming from. Weird, as I'm sure you know, is merely a term for behaving in an 'abnormal' way, not an inherently 'bad' characteristic at all.

This has already been said, but the silly thing is that if you appear confident then people often think you really are. Rightly or wrongly people tend to judge you by your appearance IRL, and to a large extent you can control your appearance.

For small talk, just ask other people about themselves, and either feign, or better yet show genuine, interest. It's very rare for people to not enjoy talking about themselves, and if you're expressing an interest in what they have to say and validate their existence they'll often be happy to see you. It's actually as simple as just asking "How are you?" and listening to the answer, though adding comments to demonstrate you're listening helps. Tell people it's good to see them, remember what they were doing or talking about and ask them about it later. Compliments help too, even just simple ones like 'That's a nice shirt' or similar.
I have a tendency to appear aloof (also stereotypically elven, usually attributed to arrogance to boot ) with people I'm not comfortable with/don't know very well, there's not much you can do about this other than make sure you're not that way with people you're close to.

Don't use big, over-complicated words until you think someone will know what they mean, either, or if you do at least be able to simply and clearly explain the meaning. A lot of really intelligent, interesting people have trouble wth terminology, and since so much of college/university is about learning your field's appropriate vocabulary this leaves them at a disadvantage.

Remember also that non-verbal communication usually tells you more about what a person's saying than their words, inconvenient though that may be for you. What I did was practiced reading body language until I could communicate better non-verbally than verbally, but that's a bit extreme too. Be a listener, not a talker.
Go @ Mah!