Bible Babble

[RandomThug]

http://biblebabble.curbjaw.com/

Ok first the link then the post...

The reason I post this isn't to infuriate but to learn... I've never fully read the bible and dont intend too yet my ignorant mind wants some answers from you guys who have.

It seems to me a lot of times people use the bible with double standards.

Quote:

Genesis 2:17- But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. Genesis 5:5- And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.

Quote:

God tempts no one. James 1:13- Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: God does tempt! Genesis 22:1- And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am. And why would Jesus ask this, if God tempts no one? Matthew 6:13- And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Confused am I

[Georgi]

Bible in inconsistent shocker!!



I suppose the thing to remember is that the Bible wasn't written by one person with a consistent editorial policy. It's a collection of books written by various people at various times with various intentions. No wonder there are inconsistencies.

[fable]

But didn't Jonah swallow the whale?

[HighLordDave]

Quote:

Originally posted by fable But didn't Jonah swallow the whale?

That was right after God expelled Adam and Eve from the theater because they wouldn't turn their cell phones off during Shrek 2, but before Elijah parted the English Channel and drove the serpents out of Namibia.

[Chanak]

LOL: there's no reconciling any of it Thug.

[fable]

It seems to me a lot of times people use the bible with double standards.

Thug, I went up on the Mountain and asked the Ancient Oracle about what you wrote. He replied:

"Given human nature, every document purported by its followers to be of holy origins will be interpreted, consciously or consciously, to the preferences of the reader. And the less unified the document, the more it lends itself to contradictory views."

Then, he donned a straw hat, did a buck and wing, and dived over a cliff. I imagine he meant something by it, but I'm not sure what.

[Coot]

@Thug, I have read the bible, I've even been a Christian in a gray distant past... but I was never able to answer, or get an answer to, the kind of questions you ask. The bible is full of funny stories that don't make a lot of sense. What makes it fun is seeing people try their very best to make sense of all those weird sayings and happenings.

This is the funniest story I ever found in the bible, it's in Matthew or John or one of the others: Jesus is travelling with his disciples when he gets hungry. Luckily there is a fig-tree nearby. However, the tree isn't bearing any fruits. Jesus throws a tantrum. Lightningbolts are coming out of His nose, steam's coming out of His ears, you know how gods get (at least you do if you're a Hercules or Xena fan).
The disciples are awestruck, but Peter works up the courage to mumble that it's not the right season for fig-trees to bear fruits. Fig-trees don't have figs. Not this time of year. It's... the wrong... season...my Lord.
Jesus roars that he doesn't give a Roman's ass and curses the tree. The tree withers away in seconds, the leaves fall of. That'll teach that dang tree.
Jesus continues on his journey. The disciples follow. This Guy is our guru, our teacher, they say to each other. He is wise and full of love. He really must be the Messiah.

And here's another classic from the Old Testament: the Israeli's and the Philistines have been fighting for ages. Those pesky Philistines stole the Ark and the Israeli's just got it back.
Hey, cool, God says, y'all did a neat job, fighting and dying for the Ark (let's just forget that I'm all-powerful and could've prevented the whole slaughter because I created all of you and I'm the boss and I can do whatever I Medamn want). I want you to bring back the Ark, but no man is allowed to touch it. Because... well, because. I say so. That's why.
All right, they put the Ark on a wagon with oxes pulling the wagon and they're on their merry way.
After 1376 bottles of beer on the wall one of the oxes steps into a hole or whatever, the wagon begins to capsize and the Ark almost falls into the mud.
O no, one of the Israeli's shouts. The Ark is our most holiest of holy possession's, it's very holy and now it's going to fall in the mud.
The guy stops the Ark from falling. With his hands.
HELLO! God hollers. Are you stupid or deaf or what? NO TOUCHING! I said.
And he zaps the Israeli with Powerword: Kill and the evil Isaeli croaks on the spot.
The other Israeli's nod. God is just.

[Xandax]

Nice re-telling Coot .... actually made me laugh

Powerword: Kill ... lol

(sorry for OT/Spam-ish)

[Chanak]

Very, very good, Coot. I always thought the "hand touching the Ark thing" was kinda, well, mean.

I've read the christian bible extensively as well. Even did a bit more than that. Read the Septuagint, the Greek translation of the Old Testament. Read the volumes of the Apostolic Fathers, the Ante-Nicene Fathers, and some other scholarly works. Looked at transliterations of various Apostolic letters (New Testament books), and even tried to pick up some Greek and Hebrew in the process. People - even highly educated scholars - have been going through flaming hoops for a very, very long time in a desperate attempt to harmonize the christian canon as it was established many, many centuries ago...and even before there ever was a canon (read bible), guys like Origen and Tertullian poured over the Law and Prophets as the premier christian apologists of their time. Origen was a brilliant man, Tertullian was bombastic and rather entertaining to read, but of course they failed utterly to unify and reconcile the scriptures. (EDIT: Interesting footnote, Tertullian eventually went "apostate" and joined a christian sect labeled heretical by the mainstream later in his life )

[Coot]

Exactly! But people still believe... because they need to believe. To feel secure, or to know that our lives aren't finite or in vain... well, you know all the reasons. But the major religions aren't adequate. They give us annoying and illogical stories and all these contradicting verses.
Our path is clear. We need to establish a New Religion, free from the influence of Jesus, Muhammed, Weasel etc. A religion that makes sense. So that our followers - eh, I mean the believers- don't have to defend themselves at every turn for believing... because this Religion will be perfect. Free of illogicalities. Free of contradictions.
I propose a polytheistic religion, so that we can all rise to power!
Now, Fable and Aegis are already popular deities but they can still have their place in our pantheon.
Fable will be the God of Knowledge, Wisdom and Old People. Very Old People.
Aegis is the God of Hockey and Maple Leafstuff.
Random Thug can be the God of Not Liking Canada.
I'll be the God of Bald Gnomes and Whipped Cream.
Malta Soron will be the God of Rotterdam (where, incidentally, all new temples will be build).
Weasel can be the God of Megalomania.
Who else wants to join? No spam. I'm very serious about this. It will be the religion to end all religions.

[fable]

Exactly! But people still believe... because they need to believe. To feel secure, or to know that our lives aren't finite or in vain...

Or because they feel intuitively that their perceptions are very limited and that there is *something* beyond them. Personally, I don't give a rat's butt if I'm going to die (well, I do, but not in that sense) or that the "evil" will be punished, or that there will be a "just reward." In fact, I definitely don't believe in any kind of heaven or hell. But I do believe in what lies beyond my senses, for reasons that make only a personal kind of sense.

But this is straying from the bible discussion, isn't it? Has anyone here besides myself taken great joy in reading Sam Clemens (Mark Twain) on the subject? The Letters from the Earth, the wonderful Letter to the Earth, The War Prayer, etc? Marvelous stuff that transcends its period and place.

[Chanak]

No, nononono! Quite simply, the SYM pantheon is a diverse blend of misfits, crackpots, and ne'er-do-wells! In obeying my religious gene, I, Chanak, shall create a religion to end all religions...one that shall displace Shatnerism, eradicate the insiduous influence of the God of Lower Alabama (a.k.a. Weasel ), and forever conquer normality and saneness. May I present to you the Pantheon of SYM, presided over by:

Buck Satan: A kinder and gentler god, he permits the existence of the lesser gods due to his secretly perverse enjoyment in watching them make a total mess of everything.

T'lainya: Goddess of Whips. 'Nuff said.

Maharlika: Recently elevated to godhood, he is the God of SeMAHtics. Patron of lampshades and San Miguel.

Aegis: The God of Transformation (into squirrels, rabbits, etc)

Fable: Former Babylonian deity.

SYMian Underworld

Bloodstalker: Lord of Lurkers.
Dragon Wench: Lady of Pain.
Weasel: The God of Lower Alabama. !
Yshania: Goddess of Leather.
Ned: God of Chain Gangs.

When you pray to the gods of SYM, you must offer up pizza, beer, and of course, send me money.

[Weasel]

Quote:

Originally posted by Coot Our path is clear. We need to establish a New Religion, free from the influence of Jesus, Muhammed, Weasel etc. A religion that makes sense.

Your selling points were going good ..until you had to throw me in with the others. Where as Jesus and Muhammed reach across certain lines, the influence of Weasel reaches across all lines.



Oh by the way....












I accept PayPal

[fable]

Quote:

Originally posted by Weasel I accept PayPal

Given that company's questionable ethics, you probably are PayPal.

[Weasel]

Quote:

Originally posted by fable Given that company's questionable ethics, you probably are PayPal.

Due to conflicts of interest I cannot comment on this.