Baby Showers *horrified shudder*

[dragon wench]

So.. much to my extreme and utter horror... I've just received an invitation to a baby shower.
Now, until this point I have managed to avoid events such as this. Sure, I have a kid, but I'm just not into this kind of stuff....

I am, therefore, asking for advice and helpful suggestions. What does one do at these types of occasions? I mean, I quite like the friend who has recently given birth and all, but I'm not the sort to relish "pass the baby games."

I love my own son, but that is where any and all maternal instinct ends for me.... While I do recognise if a baby or small child is "cute".. I'm not the type to coo or get gooey.. or talk endlessly about pregnancy, labour, baby clothes etc. etc.

Not that I actually expect a whole lot of people here to have attended all kinds of baby showers, considering the gender demographic... but Hell... I kind of feel like somebody drowning who is desperately clutching a liferaft...

[Siberys]

Hmm...only thing I can suggest is if they don't burn up in the atmosphere, bring an umbrella.

Unless it's more like tossing a bouquet combined with a gameshow money box

[Loki[D.d.G]]

Doesn't anybody think about the poor baby? Just think how traumatizing such events would be to a mere infant. It puzzles me when some people treat their tiny toddlers more as trophies to be shown off, rather than living, breathing human beings.

[Tricky]

Do I have the perfect 10-step Baby Shower Solution Guide for you!

#1 Buy a water pistol!
#2 Take a new job in the in the defense industry!
#3 Get fired, but don't tell anyone!
#4 On your way to your fake job, get stuck in a traffic jam!
#5 Leave your car behind and start walking!
#6 Demolish a medium sized convenience store with a baseball bat!
#7 Walk into the bad part of town and run off some gang members!
#8 Take their guns and keep walking!
#9 Track down your estranged spouse and your child and leave them both creepy, but well meant messages!
#10 Run! When a cop drives you into a corner, pull your water pistol!


Congratulations, you have mastered the Baby Shower!

[galraen]

Er, what exactly is a baby shower, I take it it doesn't entail standing around whilst babies fall out of the sky?

[Fljotsdale]

Well, we don't do 'em in the uk - though I suspect it's catching on in some circles - but I have read about 'em.

Mainly, I believe, it involves giving gifts and money to said infant via the parent or a special table devoted to displaying the gifts. I believe one also has to extavagantly admire said infant, eat any food provided - and maybe contribute food? Not sure of that bit - and drink said infant's health. Conviviality, gifts and good cheer are the order of the day, but it's not a drinks party. Smile a lot. Chatter about babies and pregnancy even if it's through gritted teeth... leave as soon as is polite. Avoid having your picture taken with the infant and don't allow yourself to become a godparent.

[dragon wench]

*laughing*

@Galraen, yep, Fljotsdale just put it into a nutshell.

NOT my scene... AT ALL..

I think Loki hits upon a good point. I have always felt that this type of thing is unnecessarily traumatic to an infant. However, I discovered when my son was small that there's a perception out there (on this continent anyway) that babies and small children are "public property." Complete strangers don't hesitate to come up to you and offer unsolicited advice or commentary, especially if you look like a new parent.
Needless to say... I usually did not view such intrusions with charity and responded accordingly.

The whole concept of a baby shower actually strikes me as quite ritualised and as part of general primate behaviour. I've watched quite a few documentaries showing female apes and monkeys with a new infant. They cluster around it and practically fight for the privilege of holding it..



My SO thinks this invitation is karmic because I was teasing him mercilessly about the stag party he was recently obliged to attend

[Fljotsdale]

I always had the greatest reluctance to let anyone but me hold my babies. Even my poor mother had to ASK to hold them!
Happily, there wasn't that much of the touchy-feely attitude around in the uk when I was having babies, and they could coochy-coo as much as they liked so long as they kept their hands to themselves. Thank goodness I'm not American!

[galraen]

Ah, I see, just didn't get the terminology, still not sure where 'shower' comes into it.

Yes, I guess most society's have that sort of thing, happens over here, but without the pressure to give presents I think. Not too sure on that because of course the menfolk have their own ritual, called hereabouts 'Wetting the babies head', just a euphemism for taking the father out to the pub and getting legless.

Hmm, shower-wetting the babies head, I'm starting to see the link now!

[Bloodstalker]

After spending their first hours in a hospital, figthing themselves free of their mothers bodies, getting slapped by a doctor, being placed in a nursery where strangers gather and gawk at them between times of being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses I'd think the baby would look at a shower as a kind of vacation myself.

[Loki[D.d.G]]

The next thing you know, baby showers will have morphed into meetings with school teachers. How time will fly

[Ode to a Grasshopper]

I recommend getting right legless beforehand (for sanity's sake, and to ensure no repeat invites), and playing/reciting that Bill Hicks "Your child is not special" routine. Other good techniques are analogies to small pink prunes, or piglets, or spam for the internet savvy (subjet to the child's ethnicity, if they're not pink it doesn't work so well). "Awww, he has the milkman's eyes..." will also help avoid repeat invites, as will pointing out that if you teach them to make wallets or shoes the kids can pay their own way through life, especially in the 3rd world.

Bring a bottle of chloroform and a cloth for the present. When the doting parents ask why just point out that after a couple of weeks of sleepless nights they'll know what to do.

[Fljotsdale]

Quote:

Originally Posted by galraen Ah, I see, just didn't get the terminology, still not sure where 'shower' comes into it. Yes, I guess most society's have that sort of thing, happens over here, but without the pressure to give presents I think. Not too sure on that because of course the menfolk have their own ritual, called hereabouts 'Wetting the babies head', just a euphemism for taking the father out to the pub and getting legless. Hmm, shower-wetting the babies head, I'm starting to see the link now!

Uh... it's a shower of gifts and cash, galraen! 'Shower' to indicate gifts and cash falling like a shower of rain on the infant's head. Metaphorically... obviously...