A True Southerner Knows

[Scayde]

For those of you who may be wondering

A True Southerner Knows

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption. And that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

2. Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis,they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be one mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12. Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name, or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line"--- never "on line" unless> we're surfin' the Web--- we talk to everybody!

14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15. True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." For you
grammarians, "y'all" is a perfectly wonderful contraction of the term "you all." we wish some Yankee would explain where they get "you'uns" and "youse guys." And they laugh at our colloquialisms? Chile, please.

16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18. Speakin' of breakfast, that is the only meal that a true Southerner calls the same thing as Yankees and other aliens. The mid-day meal is "lunch" only when it is taken at a restaurant or eaten in the car; if it's a sit-down meal at home, it's "dinner." The evening meal is "supper," unless you go out to eat---at which time it can also be called "dinner."

19. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'...," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

20. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. Sweet milk means you don't want buttermilk.

21. A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

22. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart,"and go your own way.

23. A True Southerner knows the difference between a "burp" and a "belch."

24. A True Southern Lady never "farts." She either "poots," "fluffs," or "passes gas."

25. Although he or she will probably listen politely as a Yankee preaches about how to do things his way, we really don't give a damn how they did it 'Up North.' "

[nael]

26. A true southerner knows that the best BBQ can only be found at some run down shack, not Chile's or some other excuse of a restaurant.

[fable]

16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Surely no one can confuse these? Why, they even know the difference in Florida, and that's not part of the South!

[Scayde]

Originally posted by nael
26. A true southerner knows that the best BBQ can only be found at some run down shack, not Chile's or some other excuse of a restaurant.

LOL...So very true !

27. A True Southrner knows you make Bar-B-Que souce from molassas, not vinegar !

28. A true Southerner knows you should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.

29. A true Southerner knows rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

and speaking of history lessons,

30. A true Southerner knows The War of Northern Aggression was over state rights, not slavery.

31. A true Southerner knows you never go snipe huntin' twice.

32. A True Southerner knows what a 'Cooter" is

33. A True Southerner knows a good dog is worth more than his weight in gold!

34. A true Southerner knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.

35. A true Southerner knows that 'Comin to visit' means house guests !

[Scayde]

Originally posted by fable
16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Surely no one can confuse these? Why, they even know the difference in Florida, and that's not part of the South!

LOL....I don't think it is a matter of confusion between the two, rather it is a mystery as to where grits come from, and technically, they come from Hominy, not sweet corn

[Chanak]

LMFAO! This is rich.

26a. ...and a true Southerner knows that the best barbeque comes from a run-down shack with a painted sign, no marquee in lights please.

36. A true Southern home on New Years day: Two pots cookin' on the stove....one with collard greens, and the other boasting black-eye peas and a ham hock.

37. "Taxes" is a cuss-word to a true Southerner.

[fable]

38. A true Southerner knows that "Y'all come back!" heard as you're leaving doesn't mean you should immediately retrace your steps.

[Scayde]

LMAO.....Combine 37 and 38 especially when it is the 'revenuer'

39. A True Southerner knows the difference between "The Yankees" and them "Damn Yankees" .

[Chanak]

Originally posted by Scayde
LMAO.....Combine 37 and 38 especially when it is the 'revenuer'

39. A True Southerner knows the difference between "The Yankees" and them "Damn Yankees" .

40. Any true Southerner who is also a good 'ol boy knows how to turn a wood burnin' stove into a money-making enterprise. Can anyone say "moonshine?" (that's "white" to those in the know )

41. Every true Southerner knows that tea is properly served with ice. Any other way makes it a hot toddy, where you dump some whiskey or rum in it.

[Scayde]

42. A True southerner knows that 'pert near' can mean the location, the approximation, or the affectation of the noun in question.

[Scayde]

Here is a little something that I thought would go well with this thread



- What's Your Southern Sign?

WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand: See the list below...

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility

[Chanak]

Originally posted by Scayde


OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)

Looks like we go good together. I just knew it.

[Maharlika]

...*tries to hide from Aegis*

[Scayde]

LMAO........@ Chan.....quite a dish eh?

LOL..Mah, you are in trouble it would seem

Funny how here in the South, everything relates to food and drink.......

[Bloodstalker]

I must disagree...I actually have taken someone snipe huntin' multiple times.