| |  900 Ways to Leave your Lover
| 
05-10-2004, 06:21 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
| |
Inspired by Paul Simon.
Here it goes...
1. Get on the bus, Gus. 
2. No need to discuss, Russ! 
3. Explain that you, being from the planet Diddi-haha, have reached the 90th trimester of your cyclical material existence, and therefore must undergo your 5th osmosis whereby you *must* rendevous with another Diddi-hahaian...otherwise, you will cease to exist.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 06:45 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | | 4: take up morris dancing. refuse to wear anything but full costume - with bells. take your accordion to bed with you.
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Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 06:49 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
| | |
5. Play polka CDs till the wee hours of the morning.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 06:53 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | | 6: develop an obsessive interest in Japanese nose fetish porn
__________________
Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 07:02 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
| |
Ugh.
7. Claim that you are the retroactive reincarnation of George Schultz.
8. Leave her a note on the fridge: "Dear Honey: Have been abducted by aliens, will more than likely miss dinner at your mother's this weekend, give her my warmest regards." 
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 07:06 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| |  Quote: Originally posted by Chanak
Ugh. | oh yes, and yet so much worse than that...
9: become a viking and set sail towards a poorly-defended northumbrian monastery.
__________________
Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 07:08 PM
|  | Moderator and Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
Posts: 19,215
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10. Inform him that your chiropractor has advised you to abstain from sex until further notice
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testingtest12Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
testingtest12.......All those moments ... will be lost ... in time ... like tears in rain. | | |
05-10-2004, 07:13 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
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11. On your next date, bring along 5 lbs of raw meat. Don't bathe for days on end. Draw flies. When she finally asks you what the hell is going on, inform her that you have decided to become a Hun.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. -The Devil's Dictionary | | |
05-10-2004, 07:15 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | | 12: feign syphillis
__________________
Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 08:47 PM
|  | Drunk Monk | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: das Kloster
Posts: 1,074
| | 13. Uh - be a monk? 
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There will be no Renaissance without Revolution.
Derision, scorn, and failure to understand do not move us. The future belongs to us ... Weasel for President!! | | |
05-10-2004, 08:50 PM
| | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: the Floating World
Posts: 3,211
| | Quote: Originally posted by der Moench
13. Uh - be a monk? | chicks dig monks - fact*
*well, probably not, but monks are still cool. shaolin varieties in particular.
__________________
Here where the flattering and mendacious swarm
Of lying epitaths their secrets keep,
At last incapable of further harm
The lewd forefathers of the village sleep. | | |
05-10-2004, 08:56 PM
| | Drunk Monk | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: das Kloster
Posts: 1,074
| | Quote: Originally posted by Robnark
12: feign syphillis | Chicks dig syphillis - oh, wait - no ... 
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Peace. 
__________________
There will be no Renaissance without Revolution.
Derision, scorn, and failure to understand do not move us. The future belongs to us ... Weasel for President!! | | |
05-10-2004, 09:43 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Hard-Boiled Wonderland
Posts: 440
| |
14) Wear some shrubbery and refuse to say anything but "NI!" to her
-kaitsuburi
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~~ aim low, deliver.
| | |
05-10-2004, 11:24 PM
|  | Twisted Sister | | Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Texas
Posts: 8,736
| | 15. Have a garage sale and only put his things in it
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Scayde Moody
(Pronounced Shayde)
The virtue of self sacrifice is the lie perpetuated by the weak to enslave the strong | | |
05-11-2004, 12:14 AM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gamebanshee Asylum
Posts: 10,197
| | 16. Move the new one in, the old one should get the hint.
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