| | 20 Reasons why the USA should invade England
| 
04-06-2003, 09:45 PM
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Look at what the English have leashed upon the world. Nuff said? We must invade. 
1. Robin Leach
2. Burnt down our White House in 1812
3. Teletubbies
4. Stores called Ye Olde Shoppe in every friggin' corner of the USA
5. the growing use of Britishisms such as "bloody" and "cheers," even by natives of Brooklyn & New York
6. English muffins
7. We gave them raw blues and got back finished products played by heroin junkie-cum-bespectacled professor of rockology Eric Clapton
8. Animal Planet's Pet Psychic
9. A bulimic princess who inspired perhaps the worst best-selling song of all time
10. Sting
11. More than a decade of Roger Moore playing Agent 007
11. Marmite
13. We give them T. S. Eliot; and get back Cats.
14. Tony Blair
15. You would think that over that span of time they could have concocted something appetizing to eat. British food is an assortment of fried fish, liver, kidneys, and any other meat product that in America wouldn't make it off the slaughterhouse floor.
16. Masterpiece Theater
17. We kill a Beatle; they export Oasis.
18. Rotten teeth
19. The Osbournes
and last...
20. Tea 
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| Re: 20 Reasons why the USA should invade England
|
04-06-2003, 09:50 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Soviet Canuckistan
Posts: 13,420
| |  Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
20. Tea | I'm sure Fas will have something to say about that one.
| Re: 20 Reasons why the USA shouldn't invade England
|
04-06-2003, 10:04 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pandemonium
Posts: 4,647
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Here are the reasons why the US shouldn't invade England. I have arranged the points as counterpoints to yours. 
1. Barbara Walters.
2. Gave the King and Queen the finger repeatedly...and it really torqued them off, too.
3. Barney.
4. MacDonald's restaurants in the UK.
5. What's bloody wrong with that! 
6. Freedom fries.
7. We paid them back by inflicting Michael Bolton, John Tesh, and Guns n' Roses on the UK.
8. Jenny McCarthy.
9. The Disco Movement. It actually never died, and spread worldwide. 
10. Ummm...Elton John?
11. The Austin Powers movies...sufficient revenge, I think.
11. Masonite.
13. Every time an American actor utilizes a phony British accent, someone in the UK suffers a headache.
14. George W. Bush
15. Hot dogs: comprised of everything gathered up off the slaughterhouse floor.
16. Mystery Science Theater 3000.
17. Ah, but they gave us Iron Maiden. They are forgiven by yours truly.
18. Ditto.
19. Ooooh...this one is hard to counter, I admit.
and last...
20. Coke.
We should hang our heads in shame for even considering harming a single stone of the Piccadilly Circus. It's a frighful shame, really, the bloody lot of us ought to be thankful for everything they've given us. 
Oh...you skipped the 12th reason...but I won't create it until you do.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
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04-06-2003, 10:05 PM
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LMAO! Quote: |
15. You would think that over that span of time they could have concocted something appetizing to eat. British food is an assortment of fried fish, liver, kidneys, and any other meat product that in America wouldn't make it off the slaughterhouse floor.
| You know I have often wondered this.... No offence to any of the Brits on this board (besides by virtue of my parentage I also hold British citizenship )... but British cooking really has very few things to redeem it. Honestly... up in the Northern areas (which I am most familiar with since my father hails from South Shields), they actually serve deep fried, frozen pizza... *shudder*
In fact, I suspect, the reason Britain and Holland respectively invaded India and Indonesia was to add some variety and seasoning to their diets. And funny how both nations have good beer as well.... I figure it's because they need something to wash down the greasy meats and soggy vegies
*ducks behind flame-proof shield*
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Last edited by dragon wench; 04-06-2003 at 10:13 PM.
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04-06-2003, 10:12 PM
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@Chanak: the invasion has already begun!
@DW: yes the beer is one redeeming virtue
BTW, this thread is dedicated to Grunty.
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04-06-2003, 10:19 PM
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Posts: 30,320
| | Quote: Originally posted by dragon wench
You know I have often wondered this.... No offence to any of the Brits on this board (besides by virtue of my parentage I also hold British citizenship)... but British cooking really has very few things to redeem it. Honestly... up in the Northern areas (which I am most familiar with since my father hails from South Shields), they actually serve deep fried, frozen pizza... *shudder*
| Good gods, I had no idea British food was quite *that* bad. I mean, I knew they regarded water as a perfect base for gravy, and that congealed fat was considered a desert delicacy, but deep fried, frozen pizza...?
I remember hearing once that an EU-catered conference in hell would have the food provided by Britian, the drinks managed by Germany, the organization handled by the Italians, and the entertainment furnished by the Belgians.
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To the Righteous belong the fruits of violent victory. The rest of us will have to settle for warm friends, warm lovers, and a wink from a quietly supportive universe. | Re: 20 Reasons why the USA should invade England
|
04-06-2003, 10:52 PM
|  | Exalted Member | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gamebanshee Asylum
Posts: 10,197
| | Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
Look at what the English have leashed upon the world. Nuff said? We must invade.
10. Sting
11. More than a decade of Roger Moore playing Agent 007
20. Tea
| Number 10. I can forgive. At least he can sing.
11. Better than a decade of Timothy Dalton
20. For the tea?...I just might have to go along. (I must have a big ship to bring the tea back!! )
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04-07-2003, 12:14 AM
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21. James Mason
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04-07-2003, 12:38 AM
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| | Quote: Originally posted by dragon wench
deep fried, frozen pizza... | Why??!! Dear god, why??!!
The only thing I can think of that's worse than deep fried frozen pizza is deep fried frozen pizza covered in tomato sauce. And you know it happens. 
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04-07-2003, 12:47 AM
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@Voo: Surely you must be mistaken! Perhaps we could all sit down for some tea and biscuits, and work this bloody mess out before Phil Collins and John Cleese are hurt.
__________________ CYNIC, n.:
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04-07-2003, 12:48 AM
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| | Quote: Originally posted by Chanak
@Voo: Surely you must be mistaken! Perhaps we could all sit down for some tea and biscuits, and work this bloody mess out before Phil Collins and John Cleese are hurt. | I thought Phil Collins was Australian?
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04-07-2003, 12:54 AM
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| | Hmmm any tea missing..(for said tea party) will cause my support to wain!!!
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04-07-2003, 02:54 AM
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Last edited by Minerva; 04-07-2003 at 02:56 AM.
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04-07-2003, 03:08 AM
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| | Quote: Originally posted by fable
I thought Phil Collins was Australian? | Nope, he's truly a Brit. I think the Spice Girls is truly enough justification to invade the UK.
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! | Re: 20 Reasons why the USA should invade England
|
04-07-2003, 03:37 AM
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Posts: 4,076
| | Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
3. Teletubbies
| Like Chanak said: Barney Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
6. English muffins
| Hey, I like those Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
7. We gave them raw blues and got back finished products played by heroin junkie-cum-bespectacled professor of rockology Eric Clapton
| And the Beatles Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
10. Sting
| Adn what's bad about that? Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
11. More than a decade of Roger Moore playing Agent 007
| Yeah, very weird that they casted a brit to play a brittish agent Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
17. We kill a Beatle; they export Oasis.
| They needed to get back somehow Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
19. The Osbournes
| Ever saw The Anna Nicole Smith show? Quote: Originally posted by VoodooDali
20. Tea | This may sound like a shock, but tea isn't imported from England.
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