Ode to Harmony

There is something inherently harmonious in being average. You are an organic part of the whole. You are a speck of dust dancing in a beam of sunlight together with the myriads of other specks. There is greatness in a speck of dust…

People have a bias for perceiving average as beautiful because prototypes are easier for the brain to process. And you've wondered why all those Cosmo girls look alike.

Don't know about you but almost everything about me is average – my height, weight, sense of humor, income, shoe size, RPG skills, age, ambitions, misfortunes, and many other things that I’d rather not mention.

Alas, in certain aspects I am below average. For example, I don’t have any special talents and lack creativity that inspires the best of us to take up scrapbooking, write erotic diaries, design Oblivion mods, or ruin our friends’ reputation. I’ve never won a single baking contest and if you ask me anything about TV reality shows or Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend you will have to pardon my ignorance on the subject. I expect that your opinion of me will be substantially less favorable if I mention that I don’t own any pets and actually dislike them, especially dogs. Since I have nothing else to lose, I will go ahead and confess that I don’t care for baseball. Nor do I care for golf, football, gymnastics or anything else, for that matter. Chances are you will hate my guts if you find out that I never watch Olympics.

As you can see, not only am I as unremarkable as a Quisinart toaster, but I also exhibit signs of social inadequacy which I, by the way, blame on my life-long habit of drinking strong black unsweetened coffee. People tend to underestimate the subtle influence of coffee on their attitude. After being subjected for a while to an abomination called Gloria Jean coffee, I noticed that my alignment shifted from Neutral Good to Neutral Evil. A sugar-loaded latte purchased at the Bean Counter made me susceptible to romantic comedies. Thank goodness the vile concoction was out of my system within a day, otherwise I might have ended up reading Danielle Steel novels.

Seriously, folks, just examine your coffee routine and you will notice the difference. Also, steer away from decaf espresso at all cost. The whole concept of decaf espresso is ultimately perverted. Just think about it. Espresso. I would not fraternize with anyone who is able to enjoy such a fraud as decaf espresso. Lower your guard for a moment and the next thing you know, those decaf-minded miscreant are treating you to root beer or stealing your wallet. I am not sure which deed is more reprehensible. Consider yourself warned.

In case you think that average is synonymous with mediocre, you are wrong. Average means balance, harmony and beauty. Balance, harmony and beauty lead to happiness. Therefore, average people are happy people.

I figured all this out due to my predilection for quiet solitude and strong black unsweetened coffee.