monogamy and love
Posted 09-18-2007 at 05:17 PM by dragon wench
I recently saw the movie Little Children. (more reviews here).
The movie has a number of different themes and subtexts, but marital infidelity figures at the fore.
This, along with some recent conversations and material I've read brings me to reflect on the subject of monogamy once more. Each time, I seem to return to a single reality.. it just is not natural. Show me somebody who has never had so much as an "adulterous" thought.. and I will show you an automaton.
OK, I'm being harsh, and perhaps intentionally hyperbolic, but I firmly feel that it is human and natural to love more than one person at a time. The difficulty rests in the fact that our culture has embraced the status quo known as "monogamy" and hailed it as a sort of benchmark everyone should strive for. Now, why should this be so necessary? We have a wide range of different friendships, and different friends fill different, yet complimentary, roles in a person's life. No single individual can be all things, nor should they be.
Of course, beyond religious doctrine, part of the reason monogamy is held up as desirable is to maintain social harmony and equilibrium.. Because, unfortunately, jealousy and the wish to possess seem just as instinctive to human behaviour as the capacity to love (and lust after) multiple partners.
But, this last point brings up another question. Assuming infidelity is ethically wrong... is simple physical lusting and subsequent sleeping around "more wrong?"
I think many people can, to some degree, accept that it is human to fall in love with "the wrong person," but I suspect far fewer are tolerant when it only involves a desire for physical release with as many partners as possible, and the deliberate act of pursuing such (usually in secret).
It seems we, as a species, simply have not evolved properly. Two differing instincts are at odds with one another. Humans appear to wish for multiple lovers (or just sexual partners with no emotions involved), and yet, at the same time, jealousy and the mistaken perception that possession equals love cause havoc with the former.
I honestly think that in this regard (and others), humanity is seriously screwed up.... (pun *not* intended
)
The movie has a number of different themes and subtexts, but marital infidelity figures at the fore.
This, along with some recent conversations and material I've read brings me to reflect on the subject of monogamy once more. Each time, I seem to return to a single reality.. it just is not natural. Show me somebody who has never had so much as an "adulterous" thought.. and I will show you an automaton.
OK, I'm being harsh, and perhaps intentionally hyperbolic, but I firmly feel that it is human and natural to love more than one person at a time. The difficulty rests in the fact that our culture has embraced the status quo known as "monogamy" and hailed it as a sort of benchmark everyone should strive for. Now, why should this be so necessary? We have a wide range of different friendships, and different friends fill different, yet complimentary, roles in a person's life. No single individual can be all things, nor should they be.
Of course, beyond religious doctrine, part of the reason monogamy is held up as desirable is to maintain social harmony and equilibrium.. Because, unfortunately, jealousy and the wish to possess seem just as instinctive to human behaviour as the capacity to love (and lust after) multiple partners.
But, this last point brings up another question. Assuming infidelity is ethically wrong... is simple physical lusting and subsequent sleeping around "more wrong?"
I think many people can, to some degree, accept that it is human to fall in love with "the wrong person," but I suspect far fewer are tolerant when it only involves a desire for physical release with as many partners as possible, and the deliberate act of pursuing such (usually in secret).
It seems we, as a species, simply have not evolved properly. Two differing instincts are at odds with one another. Humans appear to wish for multiple lovers (or just sexual partners with no emotions involved), and yet, at the same time, jealousy and the mistaken perception that possession equals love cause havoc with the former.
I honestly think that in this regard (and others), humanity is seriously screwed up.... (pun *not* intended
)
Total Comments 2
Comments
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I have this strange uncle that used to say things like 'romantic love is the icing on a big love cake that's out there for everyone to get a piece of'. A weird guy, but he always made sense in some sort of humorous way.
The problem is a bit Socratic, though not at all because love is hard to define or anything. Quite the opposite. Once you come to a peculiar conclusion about love, say instinct versus superego, it doesn't mean a thing unless you can live (or die) by it. Socrates' take on parental love ended up being a contributing reason to why he chose the death sentence over banishment. Can you take yourself seriously if you can't stick to it, to the end?
I think things like monogamy or marriage are not answers in that sense. They are what we get back for trading in not-sticking-to-our own-philosophy. Because we can't, or we won't, I don't know. Relationships, philosophies. It's tough to commit to anything. Why are we such reluctant beings anyway?
Hm, that might explain why it's such an unpopular subject. I... I might just be talking to myself at this point. It's pretty damn late and I'm not sure if I'm making any sense.Posted 09-18-2007 at 06:48 PM by Tricky
- And like a moth to the flame....
I'm drawn to another.....
Oh well a new year....Posted 01-01-2008 at 11:59 AM by BlueSky
