right, this is how to kill the iron golem in de'Arnise keep

[Cyphus]

Kill all the other golems first, flesh then clay then iron, for flesh give everyone missile weponary eg slings crossbows, stand at the other end of the room and they wont get near you.

IRON + CLAY get all your party using their melee weapons (clubs and 2 handed magic swords are best, give minsk the chaos blade you get from the geenie in irenicus' dungeon) stand everyone next to the target
select your entire group, pause, click the golem as to talk to it (dont press the sword) and then without unpausing use the forced attack command, the golem expects you to talk and stands being hit for 3-7 seconds before responding, by which time it is 3/4 dead.

IRON GOLEM:
right, put all your party in the bedroom nearby (south west) and select yoshimo, place every trap he has on the side of the door near the golem, (it cant get through the door) and then give him an oil of speed and consume it, run to the loot, get each item, pausing as soon as the window opens that lets you pick it up (saves a lot of time) and then run for the door.
Hide yoshimo with your other members, in the bedroom, get whichever wizard has cloudkill, or the staff of cloudkill from irenicus dungeon and cast it into the area of the golem (near the door) then run, bide your time, you will see the golem taking a lot of damage and eventually die (in the dialogue window)

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well, i screwed up, missed a head off the flail of ages, missed some other items, and started again. WAAAAAAAAAAAAHWAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!