“Choices Made”
“Hope?”
Hope, a word capable of such devastating emotions. It can inspire a man to great heights, make him capable of great things, but it can crumble him to the deepest ravine at the same time, throw in him in a pit with no escape. What or where are we without hope? I sometimes wonder. Better off, perhaps? Without hope we hold no expectations, without expectations we cannot be disappointed, and without disappointment life would be so much easier. Hope can so easily turn into despair when our dreams do not come to fruition, when what we pray for is not granted.
But these are thoughts born out of moments of weakness, thoughts come into existence after times of self-pity and doubt. Hope can grant a man strength, faith, the will to live and survive. When the prospect of a carefree future looms on the horizon, troublesome times can be overcome. That is the beauty of hope, the feeling that, in the end, everything might just turn out alright. That sunshine follows darkness, happiness follows sadness.
Hope borders so close on despair, on disappointment. It is a fine line easily crossed, a line I know I am balancing on right now.
“Hope… ”
That’s my name, plain and simple. I wonder what they were thinking when they gave me the name. I bet they never expected me to wield it as a weapon against some, never expected me to make or break it so easily in others. Hope. Do I grant people hope? I am sure I do and have, even today. With Venray gone I gave hope to a lot of people, the fruits of that kill will feed many from starvation. Yet it does not fill my heart with pride or satisfaction, on the contrary. Today I smashed the hope of a family, crushed their dreams and lives. Will the beautiful feeling ever return to them? Do I deserve my name or give it credit in any way? Or am I a stain on its reputation, a herald of its demise?
“Hope!”
I shake my head and take my sight of the capturing fire in the hearth. I’m back at my home, where one of my only friends awaited my arrival. I didn’t bother him with my presence upon my entrance, though, I needed the time alone.
I guess he discovered me nonetheless. I should have known that evading him was an impossible task. He is a lot like me in many ways, yet so different in others.
“Are you alright?” he asks worried, holding an ale in both his hands. “You look distracted. The job did went well, didn’t it?”
“I am here, Iaron, am I not?”
“That’s a question,” he replies.
“One which answers yours,” I say blankly.
He shakes his head in resignation, knowing he will not be receiving a clearer explanation than that. The job is obviously done. He walks towards me and offers one of his ales to me, but I wave him away, a drink will not help me recollect my thoughts this night.
He eyes me cautiously. “Care to tell me what happened?”
I do not answer him. Instead, I grab the fumbled piece of parchment from one of my many pockets and throw it to him. Stupid move, he can’t catch it while holding two drinks. Still, his eyes widen when he sees the ball of paper, he knows all too well what’s written on it.
“You have
got to be kidding me.” he declares, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why? Why did you do that? Now they will consider this as a simple assassination, nothing more and nothing less.”
I sigh, arms crossed on my chest, the hood of my cloak hanging loosely on my back, the hearth’s light dancing playfully on my face. “I just couldn’t. His family, his friends, they were… I was… ” my voice travels off, I’m searching for words I cannot find.
I bite my lip in frustration.
“I mean, they saw their loved one be killed brutally, right in front of their very eyes! Should I have kicked them any further in the abyss by telling them what a terrible man they loved, what atrocities he had committed in his life?”
Nodding, he puts the drinks down and grabs the paper.
“You weren’t there Iaron.” I continue absently. “I was. His whole family was in the hall, standing right next to him. You should have seen their faces when the sharp-pointed arrow ripped into Venray’s soft flesh.”
“Just what he deserved.” Iaron snorts wryly.
“But is it what his daughter, his son, even his wife deserved!?” I snap back. “I crushed innocent lives with the pull of my finger. I crushed them like they were mere ants crawling in the way. Hope faded from their eyes, I could see it…”
He steps up to me, a finger pointing angrily in front of my face. “You need to get your priorities straight, Hope! Galdron was scum, worst of the worst. He dealt with renegade Shadow Thieves, held close contacts with Slavers, made pacts with Pirates so his precious slave trade was safe. Don’t you ever forget that!” he’s practically screaming now, I can see the anger boiling up inside him. “And don’t you ever forget that he even killed, even killed… ” although his eyes are spitting fire, the name is still unable to leave his lips. The images are too recent, too burned on his mind.
“Derran… ” I whisper, while staring at the bright fire, my thoughts drifting off on the dancing flames and crackling wood.