[VonDondu]

I have mixed feelings about what you should tell your son. Part of me believes that no child wants his parents involved in or even aware of his sex life, no matter how sensible and trustworthy a parent might be. Kids want to be separated from their parents eventually, and I think sexual maturity is simply one of those things that drives a wedge between parents and their children. Talking about sex with your son is uncomfortable for you, and it's also uncomfortable for him. I'm afraid that's unavoidable. So you need to find an unobtrusive way to give him guidance and yet at the same time give him a little freedom.

On the other hand, kids don't know much about life, other people, or their own feelings, and kids have a way of being oblivious to the consequences of their actions; so it is your duty (and your heart's desire) to be a good parent and protect your child. So I'm glad you want to do the right thing, not because you can't handle his sexuality and don't want him to grow up, but because you care about his well-being.

I think it's up to your son to figure out what he wants and how he feels. I think you should tell him not to do anything unless he really wants to do it. Tell him not to cave in to peer pressure, and tell him not to do anything he isn't ready for. When my brother was about 17, he was dating a girl he didn't know very well, and they ended up "parking". My brother (who was a virgin) asked the girl if she might be interested in having sex, and she said no. They started making out with that understanding. But after a while, the girl changed her mind. My brother had thought earlier that this was exactly what he wanted, but when she changed her mind, it made him uncomfortable, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. Some of her comments ("Come on, what's wrong?") only made things worse. So he ended up having an experience that set him back and made him more worried about what would happen in a sexual relationship. One of the lessons he learned was, "Know thyself."

I had sex for the first time when I was 15, but from my own perspective, I "waited" until I was in love before I did it. I think sex is better if you do it with someone you love. But I do see the appeal of having wild sex with a stranger, and that sort of thing might interest your son. Sex is important under the right conditions (think about Romeo and Juliet), but it is meaningless in other situations (think about two stink bugs mating on your porch). It's up to the people involved to determine whether sex is "meaningful".

Whatever your son chooses to do, I hope he will be discreet, safe, honorable, and classy about it. As a woman and a mother, you can give him advice about the right way to treat a woman. Most people have a tendency to be very callous towards their lovers, so if you can teach him to be sensitive and considerate and teach him that he needs to value the people who want to be close to him and teach him how to show his appreciation, I think you can say you have done a good job as a parent.