Dj's right, that was pretty good ik: I'm still dissecting it, looking for some sarcasm I missed though...
Welcome to the boards Mr.sticky and well met
.
I don't want top bore you with my amateurish remarks, but I'll say this: one of the big things that separates the bad writers (which you may or may not be, I'm not criticizing and have no idea
) from the better, more experienced ones is pacing yourself. It's a common feeling that when you sit down to write something that you try to get everything your thinking down on paper all at once: don't.
That wasn't a bad opening paragraph or so, but there are way too many details in there that you should reveal later in the book. Heck, you practically conveyed the entire plot in the introductory paragraph! Take it slow and easy because books are loooooooooong. Don't get everything in at once: maybe start up simply by introducing a character doing some menial task, like chipping away at a big stone and saying how boring it is (or how much they enjoy it, or how much they're in love with the waitress back at the watering-hole, anything
). Let that wind about a bit, help the reader get to know the character and then BAM!
Home gets attacked and their world is turned upside down!
None of those specific suggestions may be any good or what you are going for, but my main point would be (once again) don't rush it because you have a lot of writing ahead of you and you don't want to run out of ideas (or overwhelm the reader...).
Anyways good luck to you and your work! Anything else I can do to help, feel free to ask (I'm a much better proofreader than I am critic
... I couldn't write a book if my life depended on it).