Yes, I'm serious. It would be no challenge around here to ask people to list reasons why they should remain inebriated, so I decided to go for something slightly different
Note: Please try to keep your responses within the "spirit" (or lack thereof ) of this thread, I don't want to be responsible for encouraging post farming 
To Start:
1. You have far less chance of calling out the wrong name during sex
2. You are unlikely to pass out in the middle of a busy intersection while stumbling home
3. You won't mistake your pet for a human companion
4. You won't need to worship at the porcelain alter every Saturday and Sunday morning
5. You are less likely to wake up next to somebody you don't know (and wish you didn't know) wondering exactly what happened the night before.