When people from two different cultures meet it requires both sides to be responsive to the others cultural practices imo. I think that unless a particular practice have moral implications you should try to cater to a guest, and I have a hard time beliving there are moral implications in not serving alcohol.
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To be honest, the thing I find most difficult, from my own Western perspective, is the above....
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There might be more to this situation then meets the eye. We must remeber that shaking hands is a western way of saluting. While almost all muslims have adopted this when dealing with western males it is not natural to their culture, and in some cases are percived to be a to close contact for people who do not know each other. For some muslims it is also forbidden to touch a woman who is not your sister, mother or wife. Not because you disrespect them but because it is indecent. Now, if the Iranians did not want to salute the woman at all I definatly agree with you, but I find it more likely that they just did not want to shake hands, in witch case I don't think there should be a problem. Why not just bow instead and everything could have been solved easily.
Now, any diplomat should know this, So I think its probable that the Belgian diplomats are being quite unproffesional.