[fable]

Marriage is a touchstone made by two people. It is what they make of it, over time. Obviously, societies stand to gain from the stability of longterm nuclear family relationships, but whether these exist as marriages or not is entirely up to the people involved. Personally, I'd rather see an unmarried couple together for thirty years who cherish their relationship, than a couple for whom "the bonds of holy matrimony" have become lead chains.

When marriage was viewed as holy, both by the participants and society in general, people took it more seriously. This didn't mean they enjoyed it more; perhaps they enjoyed it less, for having to sustain what they disliked. Many people no doubt ignored their marriage ties on the quiet, but there will never be a history of this, since by its nature, these things were hushed up wherever possible.

It was inevitable that in a secular society that worships unending entertainment, marriage would increasingly be seen as the celebration of a new, expensive purchase. But when the bloom wears off, you're encouraged to trade in your old car for a new one; and when that marriage no longer brings instant gratification and requires some work, Johnny or Jane either gets a divorce and changes partners, or starts ignoring the marriage and changes partners, anyway. This certainly isn't the reason all divorces occur, but I think a lot of this is due to emotional immaturity and lack of personal responsibility on the part of at least one partner. (The other partner can at the least be faulted for going into things leading with their heart alone.) Nobody is around to hold the couple together, so there's no outside incentive to solving problems. I think setting some ground rules at the beginning, either openly or tacitly, makes good sense, but the people who seem to most need these are just the ones who haven't the slightest idea of using them.