I often have been told by MANY people that I can afford to cool my jets, so I had to talk about this. They say "Calm down!" or "Take a breather!" and "Get out to see the world". I try to stay calm and manage my mood. Still, how others around me manage their lives and attitudes is often in question. How do they do it? I'm surprised that not EVERYONE'S prescribed with something to level out their minds.
Note: The request in parenthesis is for the sake of all of you being able to understand this. I'm afraid to make you very confused unless you do read it very carefully.
Important points:
1) As most of you know, I am a very serious person, thick and thin. I do smile and like innocent jokes, but the thing is that many circumstances around me don't always afford me a lot of time to joke. I have dealt constantly with off-the-wall people over a period of 6 years, and have had my humor shot down near-endlessly in that same amount of time. Through honesty and sincerity, I made it to where I am now, but will it take me much farther otherwise?
2) One of my biggest problems is that I may tend to overprioritize my priorities, or just take up my time with them, and give myself little time to enjoy much of the outside world. I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years, and before that, I didn't technically date the 2 I've ever had.
I often find a good video/computer game more pleasing than what I might find if I go to a social situation, convention, or function of some sort (i.e.: a mall, fair/festival, or anything like that). I don't like to take chances of dissapointment, and if the prospects of good social contact are not there, I really have trouble enjoying myself. I have friends, but I hardly get the chance (or the ambition) to go anywhere with them. In that case, they've got their developing lives, and I sorta have mine.
The last time I tried to go anywhere with a friend, that arrangement felt apart as it started, this all happening about 2 months ago. Sure, I may be falling on hard times, but how long that it could last is very nerve-wracking.
3) Still, the biggest and LEAST controllable fact of all is that I am VERY different from so many other people in this world. I think and live on a different level (but NO, PEOPLE, I AM NOT HINDERED MENTALLY AS IN MENTAL DAMAGE). I am learning disabled, which has caused for much social trial and error for the 20 years that I have existed. People have trouble understanding the way I think or act and visa-versa, which most often leads to problems with me having much fun. It's also part of the reason I hold myself up by standards involving things like video games, because I understand them better than I understand people or myself, and find easier relations between them and myself.
I have overcome some hurdles that would have DEFINITELY left me to become a social hermit to this day, but the struggle is still FAR from over. College, my job, and my own psychological situation all make this a battle of (possibly) epic proportions, actions against responsibilities and the mind combined. 'Biting the bullet' is starting to become far too irritating to my tongue and to my social status.
Overall, this is not an easy situation. My social life hangs in the balance, and is teetering back and forth, closer and closer to fall from one edge. What must I do? What can I do?