[Nightmare]

1. I've been in this position, too. Its not easy. I have done both, white lies and "I can't tell you"...feigning ignorence works well, but even putting aside the issue of immorality, lying can also blow up in your face. If you friends do not understand your need to keep a secret honourably, will they understand if they find out you lied to them?

When I used to be asked what was wrong with a certain person, I didn't say that it wasn't their business, as this slaps them back down (not something you want to do, particularly if they care for the person you have the confidence of). Instead, I just said that it wasn't my place to tell, that it wasn't my secret. If they wanted to know what was wrong, they should ask the person involved: that is a good way to show they care. You just need to stick by that, even if they press onwards. Eventually, I got a reputation for being honest and worthy of trust, since I could keep secrets, and people stopped harassing me as they knew it would be fruitless.

So, my advice to you comes from my personal experience. Don't lie, just make it clear to them that its not your place to tell.

2. One can unfortunately rationalize behaviour as supportive when it's actually rather manipulative. I've been guilty of that as have my friends when they've tried to help me. Granted though, sometimes truth isn't exactly the best thing, is it? Perhaps telling someone a white lie to build their confidence will actually make that lie into truth. But, this is manipulative.

Its a difficult question, one which brings us back the "Do the ends justify the means?" question. In truth, I don't really have an answer for you. Always try to be truthful, I guess, and take comfort in the fact that while you might be sometimes "manipulative" (or "supportive"), you are not causing harm (provided you didn't utter a blatant lie), and you have their best interests at heart. Most people do generally want the truth, though; they don't like to hear it, but in retrospect, they always say they wanted it (I'm quite guilty of that, too).

My 2 gp.