To Doctor Marhenlish:
I have used your gibberling launcher in the past, and been disappointed. Not in the functioning of the machine itself (the beveled flange on the auxillary widget is a masterstroke), but in the entailed effects of using gibberlings as ammunition.
Simply put, gibberlings are filthy little creatures. Even if you take the time to soak each of them individually in a bath (which requires stuffing dirt in the ears of the others, so that the screams of cleansing are unheard), gibberlings will not stay clean for very long.
There have been times, where a squad of gibberling-hurlers (while your launcher is billed as being suitable for the amateur alternative-ammunition accessorising adventurer, testing by squad leads to more complete testing of the weapon) has had all of their launchers break within moments of each other. The problems generally fall into two categories:
1. Gibberlings leaving filth in the crank. This jams the loading device. Upon attempting to fire, a demoralizing "fft" is heard instead. Then the gibberlings bite your armor.
2. Gibberlings leaving filth in the launching mechanism. This is the more extreme muck-induced malfunction, and can result in terminal blowback.
Attempts have been made to stuff the problematic orifices of the gibberlings with rags etc.- brief visions of flaming gibberling launchers were entertained, but then made a mess on the carpet.
Another problem with gibberlings is that, no matter how much you gag them or condition them to silence, they will still generally squeal / whine / whinge / sputter at the most inappropriate moment (which brought to discussion a novel theory, that gibberlings are more intelligent than we give them credit for- this notion was quickly defeated). I need not tell you, sir, how devastating the revelation of one's position can be, ESPECIALLY as a lone dungeon-crawler.
However, I have had much success in retooling your launcher to fit kobolds. The slightly larger-caliber ammunition is bulkier, true, but just as available, and more damaging. Kobolds have pointy ears, which can in fact be customized with razorblades for additional piercing damage.
In conclusion, congratulations on your device, but consider a different application for it.  |